Jesse's Girl
by whitedove03
Summary: Natalie's fiancee is murdered can John help her over the loss? Read and see! Now rated NC17
1. Chapter 1

**Jesse's Girl**

**_By Melissa Fitch_**

**Attn: I got the idea for this fic from Tina and the song Jesse's Girl. For all those that don't know it I say go listen to it cause it's a classic! I love that song. Thanks Tina for the fic idea. I know I kinda poached it off you but I really like the idea you went with instead. And Tina, HUGE thanks for all the help with this fic. Couldn't have done it with out ya! Hasta...**

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**Chapter 1**

John knocked on the door and waited. As he waited he adjusted his suit, the one he hated wearing but had to cause of his job. When the door swung open he caught his breath, Natalie... She was so beautiful. It didn't matter that she loved someone else, that she was engaged to his best friend, He loved her...had loved her for a long time. "Hey," he said to her, trying to calm the sudden pounding of his heart.

Natalie smiled at him in welcome. "Come on in John," She said motioning him inside. "Jesse is in the den."

John nodded and gave her one last look as he headed to the den. Jesse Johnson was his partner and his best friend but there were times that he wished it otherwise, especially when it came to Natalie Buchanan. Going into the den he saw Jesse sitting at his desk sipping a scotch. "Hey, I just stopped by for a file. I need the Grayson file." He said to Jesse.

"Oh yeah. Sure. What's so important about it that you couldn't wait till tomorrow?" Jesse asked him him. He took out a sealed envelope and handed it to John.

John sat down with the envelope and looked as him closely. " Are you feeling ok? You seem...tired." he motioned with the envelope. Concern for Jesse first and foremost in his mind now.

"I'm fine. I took a job and I'm not sure I should have." Jesse told his friend. Actually he had taken the job but then, after finding out some disturbing facts about the job, he had began looking into his employer further. He knew what he was doing was dangerous but he was in too deep to back out now.

John was confused even further and also more concerned. Hesitantly he asked, "What job? Why didn't you say anything to me about it?"

"I didn't think it was any big deal. I already told them that I can't continue with it so there isn't any harm done." Jesse said.

John nodded, yet wasn't quite sure what to think about this. He knew that Jesse could handle himself yet something about the way he talked about the case cause him to be uneasy. He studied Jesse for a long moment then finally nodded. "Ok. If you say so." He glanced at his watch and saw that it was almost 8pm. "I better be going now." He told Jesse and then as the other man went to get up he waved him back down. "No that's ok. I'll see myself out."

Jesse smiled and went back to his scotch. "Ok. See ya tomorrow, buddy."

John waved again and left the den, practically knocking Natalie down as he bumped into her. "Oh sorry!" he said, reaching out a hand to steady her. His hand tingled and burned at the touch of her skin and he yanked it back, putting it in his pocked and shifting uncomfortably.

"Its ok." Natalie said. She noticed that Johns seemed more tense then usual and smiled at him to make him more comfortable. He always acted like she was a leper when he was close to her. While other men would ogle her and at least notice she was an attractive woman John acted like she was just one of the guys. Well...until they were close then he couldn't get away fast enough. She figured it was because Jesse was his best friend and she was Jesse's fiancé.

"You seem to be in a hurry." She noted.

John ducked his head, affected by her smile. "Yeah. I have some place I need to be."

"Ohhh?" Natalie grinned. "A hot date?" she asked encouragingly. John hardly ever dated, preferring to keep to himself. And when he did take a woman out it was only once or twice. She really liked him and wanted him to find the happiness that she and Jesse had found.

John blushed, "Yeah, a hot date." He repeated, thinking the only person he wanted to date was standing in front of him but unfortunately she was already taken. If she were any other woman he would have tried to seduce her away and into his arms but he couldn't. She was Natalie. She was happy and that was all he had ever wanted for her. He wouldn't mess that up for her. Not to mention Jesse was his best friend. He couldn't do anything about his feelings for Natalie even if he thought Natalie would be receptive. A man didn't take his buddies woman.

"Is that what you are going to wear?" Natalie asked him. She looked him over and noted that he really was a good-looking man, "How come you don't go out more often? You could have women lined up down the block for a chance to date you." She straightened his jacked and brushed some lint off his him.

He stepped away from her hands so she wouldn't notice the effect her touch had on him. Just from her simple touch his heart was racing and he wanted to grab her in his arms, haul her close, and kiss her. He shifted his shoulders uncomfortably again and shrugged, "Guess I'm picky about who I date." He drank in the sight of her; just being near her was enough for his starved senses to clamor for more. He knew he probably wouldn't see her for a while since she kept so busy at the police station where she was a Forensic Annalist.

Natalie smiled again at him, unaware of why he was so uncomfortable. "Ok then" she said with another smile, "I' won't keep you."

John took that as his cue to leave and headed for the door.

"John?" Natalie called after him.

John stopped at the door and looked back, "Yeah?"

"Game of pool sometime?" she asked.

John smiled at the thought of playing pool with her and said, "Sure. You got it Kid." Then he pulled the door open and left, going back to his apartment to look over the Grayson file.

Natalie stared after him for a minute then shrugged. Smiling happily she went into the den and wrapped her arms around Jesse from behind. "Hey baby. You almost done in here? Since I have the night off I thought we might put it to good use..." With a suggestive move she got her point across.

Jesse smiled absently at her and took her hand, "Sure sweetie," not seeing the grimace Natalie gave at the sappy word he followed her from the den to their bedroom.

* * *

John got back to his apartment and went to his desk. Opening the file he slid out the manila envelope and opened it up. Looking it over he shook his head. "What the hell?"

Taking a closer look at the contents he swore. "Oh my god!" He grabbed his gun and ran for the door.

* * *

Natalie smiled lovingly at Jesse as he kissed his way down her body. This was how it was supposed to be, slow, gentle, easy. She loved Jesse more then she ever had any other man and when he had asked her to be his wife she had said yes without hesitation. "I love you..." she murmured as they lay back on the bed.

Jesse sat up to remove his pants and suddenly the world exploded around her. Glass flew everywhere and there were explosions of noise all around. "Ahh!" she said as Jesse threw her to the other side of the bed and together they both rolled off, Jesse protecting her with his body.

When they hit the floor Natalie hit her head on the leg of the bedside table and blacked out.

* * *

John arrived just seconds after the shooters fled the scene. "Natalie!" he rasped out, terrified at what he might find. He raced up the stairs calling out, "Natalie! Jesse!"

As he reached the master bedroom he was shocked at all the glass and bullet holes. Terrified he ran into the room with his gun drawn, looking for anyone who didn't belong. As he rounded the bed he saw them. Jesse was crumpled over Natalie's also still form. Fearing the worst he gently took Jesse's shoulder and turned him over. He had been shot in the chest. "No!" John got out and immediately checked Natalie's pulse, praying.

Feeling a pulse he immediately grabbed the phone and called for an ambulance. He got out the address and was telling them what happened when he heard Jesse moan. Immediately leaning over him he said, "What?"

"Take care of Natalie." Jesse gasped out, blood gurgling out of his mouth.

"You can do it man, Just hang on!" John said desperately.

"No! Listen to me!" Jesse strained, "Please! Promise me! Make sure she is safe!"

Seeing that Jesse was determined John finally nodded and said, "I promise."

"Thank you" Jesse breathed. Then his body convulsed and he lay quiet, not moving, not breathing, dead.

**To be Continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Attn: I got the idea for this fic from Tina and the song Jesse's Girl. For all those that don't know it I say go listen to it cause it's a classic! I love that song. Thanks Tina for the fic idea. I know I kinda poached it off you but I really like the idea you went with instead. And Tina, HUGE thanks for all the help with this fic. Couldn't have done it with out ya! Hasta...**

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**Chapter 2**

Natalie struggled to wake up. Her head felt like someone had used it for batting practice. "Ohhh..." she moaned in pain as she opened her eyes. The light hurt and she closed them again quickly.

"Natalie?" John asked softly, hearing her soft moan. He had never been so scared in his life! It had been two days since the attack on Jesse's house and in those two days Natalie hadn't woke up even once. The doctors said that there was nothing to worry about, that the worst had passed but still he had been scared. He already lose his best friend he couldn't lose Natalie too!

Jesse had died in his arms and the memory was enough to make him almost cry. He still didn't know why Jesse had given him a file of surveillance photos of the mobster Jacky D but he was sure as hell gonna find out! Jacky D was a goon that had taken over the Atlantic City gambling racket. But if Jesse had been hired to spy on Jacky D who had hired Jesse? Had Jacky found out and been mad enough to whack Jesse? Or had the mystery employer done it? As soon as he took care of Natalie he was gonna find out!

Natalie again opened her eyes and kept them open this time. She looked around. Where was she? She wondered to herself, confused. Her mind was muddled. She saw that she was in the hospital and suddenly it all came back to her. "Jesse!" she cried out, bolting upright. Looking around wildly she saw that he wasn't there. "Jesse!" she screamed, overwhelming fear consuming her.

John rushed to her and took her into his arms, "Natalie!" Holding her tight he tried to stop her frantic movements to get out of the bed.

"I have to find him. He needs me! He could be hurt!" Natalie struggled harder even as she began to sob. "Jesse!"

John's heart was breaking, 'how did he tell her that her fiancé was dead?' And it was up to him to tell her, he owed Jesse that much. "Natalie! Calm down! You're gonna pull out the IV!"

Natalie stopped struggling as she finally recognized John's voice. She lifted her face and looked at him with teary, terrified eyes. She saw the look on John's face. He was going to tell her Jesse was dead. "NO! He isn't!" Natalie shouted before John could form a word. "He is only hurt! He needs me!" Natalie choked out, tears being to pour out of her eyes.

"I'm sorry," John began.

"NOOOOO!" Natalie cried out and covered her ears, denying the words.

John pried her hands away from her ears and made her face him. "Jesse is dead, Natalie," He said also crying. "He didn't even make it to the hospital."

Natalie stared at him for a long moment, the pain in her eyes stabbing him to the core. There was no doubt that Natalie had loved, did love, Jesse. She continued to stare at him and John could see the exact moment she understood that Jesse was never coming back. He had never seen so much grief on anyone's face before. She didn't say a word as she broke down, tears coursing down her face. He didn't know what to do so he simply held her close, his heart breaking along with hers.

Natalie sobbed into John's shoulder until she had no tears left, only emptiness in her heart where Jesse's love had been. Even as she stopped crying she continued to lean on John, her energy gone. Finally after a while she pulled back and lay down on the bed, turning her back to John. Curling her knees up in the fetal position and simply lay there, not wanting to move.

John saw her turn away from him and his heart broke just a little more. He wanted to do more for her. He had never seen such a look on Natalie's face before. He didn't know what to do. Even as he thought that thought he knew what he had to do.

"I'm going out into the other room. I'll be right back." He told her but she didn't move a muscle, it was as if she didn't even hear him. He stroked the side of her face gently and tucked a stray hair behind her ear then left the room.

Out in the hall John took out his cell phone and dialed the one person he knew she needed. "Hello?" he said when someone picked up.

"Yes?"

"Hello. Bo Buchanan? My name is John McBain. I am Jesse Johnson's partner. I am calling about Natalie."

"Yes it is. Is Natalie Ok?" Bo asked, recognizing the name of Jesse's former FBI partner in their PI business.

John sighed and said, "She's not hurt but Her fiancée Jesse was killed in a shoot out at their house."

"What happened?" Bo burst out, his concern for his favorite niece making his question come fast and curt. "Have they found the bastards who did this?" Bo demanded.

"They got away with out a trace but I just had to tell Natalie about Jesse. She didn't take it well at all. I think she needs her family." John said sadly. He wished with all his heart that was him but he knew it wasn't and now wasn't the time be wanting it any other way.

"What hospital are you in?" Bo asked and then after John told him he said, "I'll be there in 2 hours!"

John hung up the phone and went back into the room, just as a nurse was leaving. Natalie was in the same position as before. He sat in the chair next to the bed and simply took her hand, trying to offer whatever comfort he could. How long they sat like that he didn't know.

Bo rushed into the hospital two hours later and went straight to the nurse's desk. "My niece Natalie Buchanan was brought in here. Where is she?"

John heard the demanding question and left the room to see whom it was. "Bo Buchanan?" he asked.

"Who are you?" Bo asked.

"I'm John McBain. Jesse was my partner. We spoke on the phone." John told him.

"Where is Natalie?" He asked the younger man.

John pointed to Natalie's room and led Bo over to the door. "She's in there."

Bo looked in the room and saw Natalie. She was lying on her side, staring blankly at the wall. "How long has she been like that?" he asked worriedly.

"She hasn't moved or said a word since I told her. It's like she just shut down." John said brokenly.

Bo looked at John sharply, his keen eyes taking in everything about the younger man. "You love her." It wasn't a question; it was a statement.

"Yes." John answered shyly, looking away from Bo and into Natalie's room. "I love her."

"Does she know?" Bo asked softly, knowing just how hard it was to love someone who loved someone else.

"No." John shook his head, "And she is never going to know."

Bo simply nodded and went in to see his niece. "Natalie?" Bo asked as he neared the bed. He sat down in the chair that John had vacated and took her hand.

Natalie didn't move or acknowledge that she heard Bo at all. She simply stared at the wall. They sat in silence more then 10 minutes before she finally said, "Jesse's dead." Her voice was flat, bleak...lifeless. It was as if someone had drained her of all her emotion, all her energy.

"I know, honey." Bo told her and stroked the side of her face. Her lethargy frightened him; he had never seen Natalie so still, so unresponsive.

Natalie finally looked at him, her eyes held a haunted look that shook him to his core. "I'm pregnant." She told Bo in that same emotionless voice.

Bo was shocked and didn't know what to say. He simply sat on the side of the bed and pulled her too him, hugging her close. "I'll take you home. It will be better with your family.

Natalie lay in his arms, unresponsive. She simply didn't have the energy to care about anything. It was as if Jesse had taken her will to live to the grave with him. She did however know that she had to do one last thing for Jesse.

* * *

Seven days later Natalie was on the Buchanan jet flying back towards Llanview. Bo was with her and was trying to draw her into a conversation but she didn't feel like talking. She didn't feel like doing anything. The last seven days she had gone through them like a robot. Simply going through the motions. She had planned Jesse's funeral, buried him and thru it all she never cried. The pain was so intense that she felt like if she let it out then she would break. It didn't ease or get better and Natalie believed that it never would. The world with out Jesse was a dark place and she didn't want to be there with out him.

**To be continued...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Attn: I got the idea for this fic from Tina and the song Jesse's Girl. For all those that don't know it I say go listen to it cause it's a classic! I love that song. Thanks Tina for the fic idea. I know I kinda poached it off you but I really like the idea you went with instead. And Tina, HUGE thanks for all the help with this fic. Couldn't have done it with out ya! Hasta...**

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**Chapter 3**

Natalie smiled as she looked at the image on the monitor. She was 4 months pregnant and seeing her baby was a very moving experience. Her baby...Jesse's baby... Even the thought of Jesse all these months later sent a shaft of pain through her heart.

After she and Bo returned to Llanview she had lived like the walking dead, the only thing that kept her going was the tiny life inside her. Her last link to her beloved Jesse. Well not her last link... There was John McBain. He had been there for her through it all. He was even now out in the waiting room waiting for her. He treated her so patiently and she would forever be grateful for his friendship. She knew that John missed Jesse too; they had been best friends after all.

John sat in the uncomfortable chair waiting for Natalie to come out of the exam room. These last months had been hard for him. For her. He had tried to be there for her, like Jesse had asked but it was so hard. Feeling the way he did about her every time she got that look in her eyes, the one that told him she was thinking of Jesse, he hurt. As unfair as it was, as stupid as it was, he was jealous of the love she had for him. He sighed thinking that the alternative was worse. Not seeing her at all, not being near her, that was worse.

He couldn't believe the changes these last months had wrought in her. She was nothing like the energetic, fiery woman he had known back in AC. She was somber, sad, and only seemed to come alive when she was thinking about her child. He had expected anger, fury, the desire to punish the people that took Jesse from her but she seemed to not even care. She didn't even want to know who or why it had happened. But he did...

The last four months whatever time he hadn't been by Natalie's side he had been searching for clues, information, trying to find Jesse's killers. He wasn't going to stop until he found the people responsible. And he WOULD find them. For both Natalie and himself.

"Sir?"

John looked up at the voice and saw that she was talking to him. "Yes?"

"Natalie is finished now. She'll be out in a few minutes."

John nodded and prepared to leave. He braced himself for the surge of lust he always got when he looked at Natalie and put a smile on his face.

Natalie came out of the exam room smiling. She was holding a sonogram of her baby. She loved this little life inside her so much that it was hard to describe. Perhaps it was a little unhealthy but she poured all the love she'd had for Jesse into her love for this child. A part of her feeling like Jesse's spirit had gone into her child.

Natalie was putting her coat on when she accidentally dropped the sonogram. John bent down and picked it up. Looking at it he felt his emotions swell. He felt a connection to this baby, even if it wasn't his. But he also felt a certain sadness cause he knew that it would never be his, Natalie would never be his. Handing the Sonogram back to Natalie he took her arm and they left the doctors office.

"So, is everything ok?" John asked, concerned. This was not her regular check up.

"Umm...I had some spotting. But the said everything looks ok." Natalie told him. She didn't tell him of the panic she had felt when she had seen that spot of blood on her underwear. She had thought she was going to lose her baby. It had almost paralyzed her.

John was glad everything was ok. "That's good." He said, not sure what to say. Because of he feelings...his love for her, he was never sure what to say. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable of angry. Not that she ever got angry anymore. Unless it had to do with the baby she didn't care enough about anything to get angry about it. The rest of the trip back to Llanfair was silent, both lost in their own painful thoughts.

* * *

_RING, RING, RING_

John was jolted awake by the ringing of his cell phone. He looked at the clock... 3am! Who was calling him at 3am? He groped for the phone for a minute before finally finding it. Flipping it open he rasped, "Yeah?"

"John!" Natalie said sounding panicked.

"Natalie? What's wrong? Is it the baby?" John asked in alarm.

"Help me John. Please! My baby!" Natalie moaned into the phone.

"Hang on, love! I'll be right there!" John said, in his panic not realizing what he had said.

Natalie didn't notice the slip either as she hung up and curled into a ball. Pain wracked her body as she continued to feel cramping in her stomach. She noticed the stain on the sheet of the bed. "Nooooo!" she moaned in pain, knowing that she was losing her baby.

John jammed the phone in his pants pocket as he yanked them up. Throwing on the rest of his clothes he raced out the door and to Llanfair. No one was there tonight except Natalie. He made it there in record time. When the locked door proved to be a barrier he simply kicked it in, splintering the door jam.

He raced upstairs and to Natalie's room. He found her rocking back and forth moaning in pain. The blood on the bed terrified him and he scooped her up into his arms carried her down stairs to his car. Once he buckled her in he raced to the hospital, praying he had made it in time.

John waited outside the ER room as she was examined. He closed his eyes briefly for only a moment as he leaned up against the wall outside her room. His eyes opened quickly and instantly filled with tears when he heard her screams... her words.

"No! NO! It can't be gone... No! No... it c...a...n...t" John blinked his eyes not knowing how to help her. Not knowing if he should charge into the room and hold her or just let her mourn for her lost child alone. For her and Jesse's lost child alone. He ran his hand over his face and he saw a nurse come from her room and speak to him.

"Ms Buchanan wants to see you," The nurse told John and he shook his head, cleared his eyes. He needed to be her strength now. Now that he knew how difficult the loss of losing Jesse was for her but now... now a second loss. He pulled himself together knowing how hard it was going to be to see her yet again mourn... broken. He walked into her room quietly.

Natalie was laying in the bed calmer now than she was a few minutes ago when they told her she lost her baby...her last tie to Jesse. The nurses started pumping her with all sorts of stuff thru her IV.

John saw her curled up some in a ball facing away from the door when he came in. He couldn't see her face and for once he was grateful for that. He didn't want her to see how upset he was by all of this. He never let on to her at all these past months but... her baby had become important to him too. He had actually felt himself falling in love with her baby more and more as the months went by.

John took a seat next to her bed. " I'm sorry Natalie...really sorry" John told her and she still didn't look at him. She ignored him for a few minutes before she spoke calmly.

"I bled too much... when I l---" Natalie started to say about losing the baby but couldn't get the words out "I need to have a procedure done... In a little while... Its not long and then a few hours after that if I'm alright... then I can go home" She told him still not looking at him, not wanting to show the pain in her eyes to him, the hurt, and disappointment on her face.

"Can you stay while I have it done... maybe take me home afterwards... I'm really not up for telling my family right now and...You are about the only person...I... Feel... comfortable with right now" She asked him and he leaned his hand over to her shoulder.

Natalie felt his hand of reassurance on her shoulder and she slowly turned, looking into his eyes with teary ones.

"Now... Now... I don't have anything left of him... not even his baby... I have nothing," She told him with full-fledged tears racing down her cheeks. There was no stopping them. John pulled her to him gently. He held her. He knew he would hold her till she was over this... over her disappointment and mourning of the last piece of Jesse she had. He would hold her forever if he had to.

Neither said a word for a few minutes as he felt her tears subside. He felt her take a deep breath. " I really wanted that baby... I really loved that baby... I...I..." She continued to say as she started getting choked up again... "Shhhh" He told her cutting off her words and her sobs. He held her tighter. " I'm here for you, Natalie... " he told her as a Nurse walked into the room.

"Ms Buchanan...we need to take you to the OR to get you prep'ed" the nurse told Natalie and she pulled off John's shoulder. JOhn quickly wiped a few stray tears of his own that had fallen for her lost baby. He had no time to dwell in what he was feeling. She needed him to be strong for her and that he would be.

"I'll be right here waiting for you Natalie... I'm not going anywhere..." He told her as the nurse wheeled her out of the room in the wheelchair.

Natalie tired so hard to smile at him. Give him a weak smile but she couldn't. She reached for his hand for a brief second as the nurse wheeled her passed him. She looked into his eyes. " Thank you"

**To be continued...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Attn: I got the idea for this fic from Tina and the song Jesse's Girl. For all those that don't know it I say go listen to it cause it's a classic! I love that song. Thanks Tina for the fic idea. I know I kinda poached it off you but I really like the idea you went with instead. And Tina, HUGE thanks for all the help with this fic. Couldn't have done it with out ya! Hasta...**

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**Chapter 4**

Two days after she lost her baby she was finally released from the hospital. She went straight to John's room at the Angel square hotel. She stalked up the stairs, her steps firm and purposeful. Knocking firmly on the door she waited.

John heard the hard knock and wondered who it was. He had just got there himself after visiting Natalie at the hospital and then talking with Bo about maybe taking a job at the LPD. He swung open the door and was stunned. "Natalie."

"I want you to help me find them. The bastards that took Jesse from me," She said with out preamble. Her expression was determined and resolute.

John stared at her still stunned. This was the Natalie he remembered, full of fire, life. Her eyes shown with it, shown with the need to know; the need to find justice for Jesse. With out a word he stepped aside and let her in. Together they would find justice for Jesse. It was only right that it be them.

Natalie sat down on John's couch and waited for him to join her. She felt like she needed to explain to him why she suddenly wanted to help, why she hadn't before... "Just let me talk first ok?"

John was unsure of what she wanted to say but nodded and sat next to her. He waited a minute and then she spoke.

"These last months I know you have been looking for Jesse's killers. I knew but I didn't care. Or rather I didn't want to care." At John's confused look she sighed, "I thought if I helped find his killers that I would be admitting that he was really gone. It was easier to pretend that he was simply away." She said sadly, describing the denial she had been in.

John was stunned at this. All this time he had thought she didn't care but her withdrawal had been about fear...the fear of accepting the fact the Jesse wasn't coming back. His heart broke a little at this. The fact that she had loved Jesse so much tore at him, making him ache with unrequited love.

Natalie smiled sadly at John and said, "I clung to the baby so hard because I felt that if there was a part of Jesse inside me he would comeback to me. I know it doesn't make any sense," she said, "but that's how I felt." A few tears straying down her face. She was silent for a long time, not having anything else to say.

"Ohh, Natalie!" John murmured. Then, not being able to help himself, he pulled her into his arms and held her tight.

Natalie sniffled a little and said into his shoulder, "I miss him so much, John!"

"I know," John told her. Holding her tightly he kissed her hair and said, "So do I."

They stayed like that for a moment and then she pulled back, "So you will let me help?"

John smiled ruefully and said, "Jesse would kick my ass for this, but yeah you can help. That's the way it should be," he told her, repeating what he had thought to himself earlier.

* * *

"So now what?" Natalie asked. They had been sitting in silence for over 10 minutes.

John looked up from his musings. He had been deep in thought about his next move, now it was their next move. He had exhausted all his local sources. Now it was time to asked his buddy at the FBI for some help. He half-smiled at her and said; "Now we get help."

"From who?" Natalie asked. She knew that he had been calling in every favor owed to him in Atlantic City and it had led to nothing. She really would have liked to see the bullets from the shoot-out but since she had quit her job after Jesse had died they wouldn't let her anywhere near the lab.

"I have a friend in the FBI that owes me one. Do you think if you can get a look at the bullets you could tell what kind of gun they came from?" John asked.

Natalie looked at him as if he were crazy and said, "Of course I can!"

John chuckled a little and slapped his head, "Sorry, I should have known."

Natalie laughed a little at his antics. His attempt at humor making the situation easier to handle. She mock punched him in the shoulder, "Yeah, you should have!"

John laughed again and then sobered up. He took out his phone and made the call. As he talked Natalie studied his profile. She had never really looked at him closely, objectively, before. In the past he had always been Jesse's friend John. But not after all these months he was her friend John. She studied him and wondered, not for the first time of course, why he wasn't either married or at least seeing some one. He really was a gorgeous man.

His blue eyes were usually serious but they had a mischievous glint to them sometimes, making him even more attractive. His long hair was to his shoulders and always clean unlike most people that kept their hair like that. His body was strong and muscular and Natalie knew that he went to the gym to work out a lot. She felt a little thrill when she thought about his body but pushed it away.

Feeling like she was betraying Jesse just by thinking John was attractive she looked away from him and concentrated on what it would feel like to finally put Jesse's killer behind bars.

John hung up the phone and looked at her. "My friend Greg at the FBI can get us in to see the evidence they got from the scene but we need to be there in an hour." Natalie nodded silently and grabbed her coat. At her slow movements John became concerned. "Are you sure its not too soon...?" he questioned, not wanting to actually say the words.

Natalie was touched by his concern and smiled a little. "I'm fine." She kissed him on the cheek softly and said, "But thanks for caring." Then she slipped on her coat and grabbed her purse.

John was reeling from the feel of her lips on his cheek. It had been a simple, friendly kiss but his body was reacting as if she had stripped naked and asked him to take her. After a moment he got his body back under control and grabbed his coat. Putting it on and getting his keys he offered his arm playfully, "Shall we?"

Natalie, getting into the spirit, said, "Lets." Taking his arm they made their way out of the building and to his car. The drive to Greg's office was silent except for the soft Jazz playing on the radio. It surprised Natalie that John liked it. She had imagined him as the hard rock, Metallica, type. So much surprised her about John. It occurred to her that while he and Jesse had been friends for years SHE hadn't known him at all.

Getting to the lab that Greg ran John hugged his friend and accepted his condolences for the loss of his friend. Then He introduced Natalie. After that was done Greg got right to the point.

"This is everything the AC/PD collected. They gave the case over to the FBI once they couldn't solve it." Greg told them.

"Can I see the bullets?" Natalie asked politely, firearms was her specialty.

"Sure but I can tell you that they came from an AK 47 Machine gun. You can buy those on the street for a grand." He told her but stepped aside and pointed to the microscope. "The striations are strange though. Someone modified the gun. Once we find the gun it shouldn't be hard to match it up to the bullets."

Natalie nodded and bent over to the scope. The looked into it and adjusted it so she could see clearly. Turning the bullet she took in the unique lines and groves in the bullet. They WERE strange. She had never seen anything like it. "How come no one told us this before?" She asked him.

"My guess is that the local police didn't want to admit that they had no leads. Even with the unique striations they couldn't find the gun." Greg told them.

"What's this?" John asked, holding up a piece of fabric. It had something smeared on it.

"Its from a polo shirt."

"It's not Jesse's! He didn't wear Polo shirts." Natalie said.

"We think it was from the killer. It was found out side in the bushes. There is Green paint on it but it's a common brand that can be bought at most any hardware store."

Something clicked on in Natalie's brain and she said suddenly, "I have seen that somewhere before!"

Both John and Greg turned to her and said, "What?"

"That striation pattern!"

"That's impossible! I ran it through AFIS and CODIS. It wasn't there." Greg said defensively.

"No! That's not wear I saw it!" Natalie told them. She looked around the room. Seeing the book she wanted she walked over, plucked it off the shelf, and brought it back. She dropped it on the table face up so they could read the title.

Advanced Forensics: A Study on Bullet Identification

"A text book?" Greg asked incredulously.

Natalie nodded and opened the book. She flipped thru it until she came to the part she remembered. "There!" she said tapping the picture. It was a blown up picture of a bullet with the exact same striations. "I remember this from my classes. We even had a test on it!"

John bent over and began to read the caption underneath the picture. _Bullet from an unsolved murder for hire_. He whistled under his breath. He read the passage next to the picture and found out that the bullet was pulled out of a very powerful crime boss about 8 years ago and the shooter was never found. It had been an assignation by a professional hit man.

"You know what this means?" Natalie asked him.

"Yeah. It means that whoever killed Jesse was paid to do it!" John replied, reeling from the shock.

**To be continued...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

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**Chapter 5**

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Natalie asked nervously. They stood at the front door of Dr. Benny Graves. The former FBI agent turned Criminal profiler was the only person they could find that had anything to do with the unsolved mob assignation involving the gun they were looking for. "What if he doesn't know anything?"

John looked at Natalie and could tell she was nervous. She had been all week as they looked for everyone connected with the bullet and gun. He knew she was afraid to get her hopes up in case this was a dead end. After the three long weeks he had finally turned up an address and he had a good feeling about this. He just knew in his gut that this Dr. Graves would give them some useful information. "If he can't help us then we keep looking." John told her softly. "No one said this would be easy."

Natalie nodded and flashed a grateful smile at him. She really was thankful he was there and his words calmed her nerves somewhat. Sometimes she didn't know what she would have done if he hadn't been there for her. These months since Jesse died, and then losing her baby, had been the most painful and most difficult of her life. If John hadn't been there the sorrow would have swallowed her whole leaving her nothing but an empty shell.

John knocked and they waited. As they waited he reached down and took her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze just as the door opened up. He let go of Natalie's hand and held it out to introduce himself to the Dr. "Are you Dr. Graves? I'm John McBain. This is Natalie Buchanan. May we have a moment of your time?"

Benny looked over the two carefully. He saw many things about them. The beautiful young redhead had an air of sadness about her. Obviously she had been thru something traumatic recently. The man looked determined and fierce. Yet when he glanced at the redhead his posture changed slightly and became softer. To his trained eye he knew that John McBain cared deeply for the girl but she was unaware of his feelings. 'Interesting...' he thought to himself before answering. "Yes I am Dr. Graves. Benny if you will. What can I do for you?" He held out his hand as well and the shook hands.

John put his hand back down to his side and said, "We are here about the Hanover case. We might have a lead on the gun."

Benny's eyebrows shot up in interest. "Well now..." he muttered and stepped aside, "Please come in," he told them.

John put his hand on the small of Natalie's back and usher her in the house first. They followed the Dr to his living room where he motioned for them to take a seat. As they did so the Dr. sat across from them and John sized him up. At 40 years old the Dr. had aged well. He had the muscular build of someone that worked out often and knew how to handle him self.

Natalie took the bullet that she had gotten from Greg and handed it to the Dr. "Do you recognize the striations?"

Benny took the bullet from her and looked it over. "It's the bullet from the Hanover case. How did you get it?" He demanded. He looked Natalie over again and could tell that what she was about to tell him was painful to her. The man, John, moved to speak but Natalie motioned to him with her hand and John was silent. 'Interesting..." Benny thought again.

Natalie took a deep breath and then let it out. "This isn't the Hanover bullet. This bullet was dug out of my fiancés body 5 months ago when he was murdered in our home."

Benny looked shocked and took another look at the bullet. "I understand now. You have come to me looking for a clue as to where the gun is and who owned it."

John nodded. "You're the only person still alive that was connected to the case that I could find. Anything you could tell us would be appreciated."

Benny nodded and studied John more closely, "You seem familiar. Do I know you?" He asked.

John shrugged. "I was with the FBI some years ago."

Benny nodded, "Oh I remember now! The White Rose case! I heard you were shot before you caught the guy."

John frowned, he didn't like taking about that time in his life. "Yeah, I was." He reached for the bullet and took it from him. "Can you help us?"

Natalie frowned as well. She was confused by John's actions. He seemed very uncomfortable talking about the White Rose Case. She wondered why. Jesse had never mentioned that case to her but he must have known what happened. What ever it was it must have been a dark time in John's life for him to be acting the way he was.

"I think I can actually. We never had enough evidence to prove it but we suspected Jacky DiAngelo of being the shooter. He was the second hand man of Hanover at the time. I hear he is running things in Atlantic these days." Benny told them.

John wasn't at all shocked that Jacky DiAngelo had been involved somehow. The question was why? Who would hire Jesse to spy on Jacky knowing how he felt about spies. Of course that brought out the bigger question that had been bothering him for months, 'Why had Jesse taken the job?'

"Thank you for the help," John said getting up. He held out his hand to help Natalie up and then said, "We really appreciate you talking to us."

Natalie nodded and said, "Yeah, Thank you so much." They all shook hands and Benny ushered them out the door.

At the door Benny paused and said, "Be careful with the information I just gave you. Jacky DiAngelo is not a man that you want to be messing with. He has gotten out of more charges than I can count and when crossed will stop at nothing to destroy his enemies.

John nodded and said, "We'll be careful. And we will get our guy." With that he said thank you once again and he and Natalie walked to the car.

"Now what do we do?" Natalie asked him. "It's not as if we can just waltz up to Jacky D and ask him if he killed Jesse." She started to feel the anger inside her grow at her own words. She had lost so much because of this man, is he had been the one, and she wanted to make him pay, to make him suffer as she did. But before they could make anyone pay for the crime first they had to find out for sure who had done it.

"I don't know yet," John told her truthfully. He still felt as if he was missing something, like he had only a piece of the puzzle. "I'm not convinced that we have all the players yet. You said that there were at least two shooters, right?"

Natalie thought back, it was all so confusing. The sights and sounds were muddled in her head, "I...I... It was all so fast. It's all fuzzy in my head."

They got in John's car and he turned to look at her. Gently taking her face in his hands he said, "Close your eyes."

She did. The feel of John's hands on her face warmed her, made her feel safe.

"Ok, think back what happened first?" John asked her, trying not to become distracted by the feel of her skin under his fingertips. With her eyes closed and her lips pursed in concentration he badly wanted to kiss her. "Natalie..." he murmured softly.

Natalie took his word as a prompt and concentrated harder. "We were on the bed. Jesse sat up then it was like a bomb went off. There was glass everywhere." She frowned at the memory, "He rolled us off the bed and he landed on top of me."

John winced at the thought of her and Jesse in bed but continued, "Then what?"

"My head. I had a sudden pain in my head. I think I hit it on something." She frowned harder and her eyes closed even more tightly, "Wait I remember there were three of them. I saw the two that came in from the window but there was another standing in the shadows behind them!" She opened her eyes wide and stared at John in shock. I can't believe I remembered all that!"

John smiled at her and, with his hands still on her face he pulled her forward and places a gentle kiss on her forehead. "You did good, kid. Great!"

Natalie's head tingled where he had his mouth. She shook it off and said, slightly confused, "But how does that help us? And where do we go now?"

John thought about the new information and then looked at Natalie, "First we go back to Atlantic City, to yours and Jesses' house and look around. I might have missed something the first time I went. With you there it will be easier to maybe find a clue. Then we decide what to do from there." He told her. Starting up the car he pulled out of the driveway and headed for Atlantic City.

**To be continued...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

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**Chapter 6**

John glanced at Natalie as he pulled into the driveway of the house Natalie had shared with Jesse. Being there again brought back bittersweet memories of Jesse. They were good in the fact that Jesse had been alive and well but also bitter because Natalie had belonged to someone else and he had to witness her happiness with his best friend.

At first John had felt guilty for loving Natalie. After all, a guy wasn't supposed to want his best friends' woman. He had done everything he could to purge Natalie from his heart but nothing had worked. As time had gone by he had gotten past his guilt and realized that the heart did what it wanted no matter how much his brain told him it was wrong. After he had accepted the love he felt for Natalie it had grown stronger every time he saw her. There was just so much about her that he admired; her spirit, her loyalty, her fierce temper, her ability to see things in people that others missed. It was those very qualities that she needed now more than ever.

Natalie was getting nervous at John's continued silence. She glanced at him and saw him looking at her. She smiled tentatively and said, "What?"

John turned away and stared at the building. Taking a deep breath he looked back at her and said, "Are you ready for this?"

Natalie understood his concern. Frowning a little she looked at the house then back at John, "Yeah." She drew into herself summoning the strength she would need to go back into that house after what happened. Taking a deep fortifying breath she said more firmly, "I can do this."

He was amazed anew at her strength and her ability to do what needed to be done. He knew that coming back here would be very hard for her but she would do it, because she had to. Just a moment ago she had looked sad and alone then, in a blink of an eye, she reached inside herself for the strength she needed. She was amazing! He simply nodded at her then opened the door in answer to her statement.

Natalie followed suit and got out of the car. Silently they walked up to the house and went in. The place was still a disaster and hadn't been cleaned and Natalie wondered why. She glanced quickly at John in question but noticed he was frowning. "What is it?"

John was already reaching for his weapon. He pushed Natalie behind her and said, "Someone has been here."

Natalie was shocked. "How can you tell in all this mess?"

He swept the room with his eyes but detected no movement while answering her softly, "Because I had someone clean this place up months ago."

Natalie was again shocked and now more then a little frightened. She stuck close to John as they went from room to room looking for any possible intruders. As they entered the bedroom Natalie heard a sudden movement behind her and then someone grabbed her from behind. "AHHHH" she cried out.

John spun around quickly, his gun whipping around to aim at the masked man now holding his own gun to Natalie's head He cursed at himself for not being more careful as he stared into Natalie's wide frightened eyes. She was trembling in fear but didn't move an inch. "Let her go!" John commanded, his gun aimed right between the mans eyes.

The man laughed a hollow laugh and said in a low gruff voice, "Drop your gun or I'll shoot the girl in the head." When John didn't comply he shook Natalie, hard, and said again, "Drop it!"

John could tell that he was serious and slowly bent down, keeping eye contact with Natalie, silently urging her not to move. "Ok, Ok." he said as he put the gun on the floor. As John stood back up he kept his eye on Natalie's.

The man told Natalie to kick the gun away and she did then he held her still and growled. "We want our product back. Your friend took it and we want it back. You have 10 days!" With that he shoved Natalie at John and then took off.

John caught Natalie in his arms and they both went tumbling to the floor. When he finally struggled up the masked man was gone. He retrieved his gun and ran outside.

Natalie watched John take off after the man and shouted, "Be careful!" As he disappeared out the door she remained sitting on the floor trying to calm down. That had been both terrifying and confusing. What did he mean Jesse took their product? What was their product? The word product was strange. It sounded like drugs to her but Jesse would never take drugs from someone. Would he?

She was still sitting on the floor when John came back in the room. She could tell by the look on his face that the man had gotten away. Slowly she picked herself up off the floor and walked over to him. "Are you ok?" she asked, concerned that he had been hurt in his pursuit of the masked man.

John looked at Natalie and felt scared all over again. What if she had been hurt, what if she had been killed? He would never forgive himself if something happened to her because of his carelessness. "I'm sorry," he said in a low voice filled with remorse and guilt.

Natalie was surprised more by his tone then his words. He sounded like he thought it was his fault that the guy got the jump on them. She studied his face and he wouldn't look her in the eye. "It wasn't your fault, John."

"I should have seen him, I should have known someone was here!" he told her.

"You couldn't have known. He was hiding...waiting for us." Natalie took her had and brought it to his face, forcing him to look at her. "It wasn't your fault!"

John closed his eyes briefly, enjoying the feel of her hand on his face then nodded once. He took her hand and pressed a gentle kiss to her palm before letting it go, "I know." He still felt like there was something he could have done but he could see that this was upsetting her so he let it drop. Changing the subject from his feelings to what the intruder had said, "Do you know what he was taking about?"

Natalie was in shock once again. Not from the intruder but from the feel of John's lips on her palm. Heat coursed up her entire arm and her hand tingled where his lips had been. She had never felt such a reaction to such an innocent gesture. She felt ashamed of her body's response to John's touch. Jesse had only been gone 5 months and she was getting turned on by a chaste kiss on her hand? She decided to concentrate on his question and struggled to answer him with out betraying the reaction she had to his touch. "I...I don't know. It sounded like drugs to me. But Jesse would never do that."

John heard the faint tremor in her voice and assumed it was because of the fright she had just had. He looked around the room once more and said, "Lets look around. Maybe there is something here that will give us a clue."

"Shouldn't we call the police?" Natalie asked. She was confused as to why they hadn't done that already.

John paused then said carefully, "I don't want to do that yet. What ever Jesse was into it might have not been completely on the up and up. I would rather not have his memory dragged thru the mud."

Natalie nodded with sudden understanding. PI's didn't always do things by the book; that was in fact the reason Jesse had become a PI rather than a cop. So he didn't have to follow the rules. She was grateful for John's discretion and sent a silent prayer to God for him. "Thank you" she said softly.

Though her words were spoken softly John still heard them. He gave her a small smile and began searching thru the mess, hoping to find something that the intruders missed.

Natalie saw John begin to look thru the rubble and began to help. She picked up the pictures that had been thrown on the floor and put them back on the shelf. Then looking at it for a long moment she suddenly grabbed it and threw it to the ground. The frame smashed against the hardwood floor and flew apart.

Her hands shook, not with shock or sadness but with anger. She was so angry. She was angry with the men who had killed Jesse, with the men that had attacked them tonight, with the cops that hadn't been able to find Jesse's killer and with Jesse himself.

John heard the crash of glass smashing on the floor and spun around to see what was going on. He saw Natalie just standing there looking at the floor and was confused. He walked over to her and looked down at the floor. He saw the broken glass and the picture. Then as he shifted his gaze something else caught his eye. "Wha...?" He murmured softly as he bent and retrieved the object.

**To be continued...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

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**Chapter 7**

Natalie heard his muttered question and felt the anger drain out of her. It was useless to be mad at Jesse. He was gone and not coming back. She peered at his hand and saw him turn something over in his hand. "What is that?"

John turned over the key that he had picked up to get a closer look at it. It was a safety deposit box key and not unique at all. He handed it to Natalie and asked, "You know what this goes to?"

Natalie looked at it too and saw that it was a safety deposit box key, "It's a safety deposit box key," she said even though he already knew that. "I didn't know Jesse had a safety deposit box," she told him softly.

John took it back and looked at the name on it _Atlantic City Mutual_ was written in tiny lettering. On the other side was _314_. "Was this here a minute ago?" John asked about the key.

Natalie thought a second, trying to picture the floor before she had thrown down the picture. "No. I don't think so." She paused as understanding dawned, "It must have been hidden inside the frame," she murmured. "But why...?" she started.

John heard her unspoken question and shook his head, "He didn't want anyone to find it." He looked around at the mess and said, "we can leave this till later. Right now we should go to the bank and see what Jesse didn't want found."

Natalie nodded then said softly, as if it were only an after thought, "It doesn't matter about the house. I am going to sell it anyway. I don't need it and everything here is just a reminder of what I lost."

John understood her feelings and touched her hand, "We will find out who did this and why."

Natalie smiled at him sadly, "I know."

John took the key and put it in his pocket. He knew this was a lot for Natalie to deal with but she was doing an amazing job at handling it all. Every time he was with her he was surprised at how strong she was. He held out his hand and said, "Let's go."

Natalie saw John's outstretched hand and hesitated a bit, unsure. She knew that whatever was in the box it would be big and was a little scared but seeing John's hand reaching for her she knew that it would be ok so she smiled at him and put her hand in his. John would help her deal with it.

John's heart gave a little leap when Natalie smiled up at him trustingly and put her hand in his. The fact that she trusted him made him feel like the luckiest man in the world. He tightened his grip on her hand and led her out of the house. Once they got to his car he opened the door for her and then got in himself. As he slid into the drivers seat he noticed that she was staring at her hands and knew she was worried. He brushed a lock of hair away from her face and said, "It's gonna be alright. I promise."

Natalie looked at him then and saw the look on his face. He meant what he said. He would make sure it would be ok. She felt relief and another emotion that she couldn't name bubble up to the surface as she stared at his face. She would forever be glad that John was in her life. He was the best friend she had ever had. "Thank you John," she said meaningfully.

John brushed his knuckles over her cheek before clearing his throat and turning to the steering wheel. "Your Welcome," he said gruffly, over come by the urge to pull her to him and kiss away her fear. He clenched his hands on the wheel as he fought of the desire to taste her lips. Starting the car he finally got himself under control. After backing out of the drive he headed to the bank, dreading what he might find there.

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John walked into the bank like he owned the place. Natalie walked next to him more hesitantly. She was anxious at what Jesse had been keeping from her. She had thought she knew everything about him but finding out that he was keeping something from her made her feel as if she hadn't known him at all. She knew she was being ridiculous but she couldn't help it, something inside her was telling her that there was a lot more to Jesse then she had ever known and not all of it good.

On the other hand the more time she spent with John the more she realized just how little she had known him as well. Oh she had known John was attractive and smart, those were things she couldn't help but notice but it was his loyalty, his willingness to put himself in danger to find out the truth that made her rethink her opinion of him. Then there was her reaction to him. Sure he was attractive, gorgeous really, but that didn't explain why she burned every time he touched her why she felt breathless when he was near. She felt ashamed at her reaction to him. Jesse was only gone a few months yet she was attracted to another man? And that man happened to be Jesse's best friend?

She sighed, 'Maybe it was her hormones acting up, that was a plausible explanation for the way she was acting, for the way she was feeling.' She thought to herself as she saw a short bald man in a 2000 suit walk over to them. She looked at John and he shook his head slightly. 'Ok,' she thought, 'He wants to do the talking...' that was fine with her. She was too conflicted right now to come up with a good lie anyway.

John waited for the man to approach then said, "Hi, my name is Jesse Johnson."

Natalie looked at him sharply but said nothing. She realized that this lie was necessary but her mind screamed that John was as far from Jesse as a person could get. She was surprised by the fierceness of her objection to John using Jesse's name but couldn't figure out why she objected so strongly.

The man in the suit studied them carefully then stuck out his hand. "Hello Mr. Johnson. I'm Fred Hensley, the bank manager. How can I help you today?"

John shook his hand politely then wrapped an arm around a startled Natalie and said, "I'm here to open up my safety deposit box..." He smiled winningly and went on, "My momma wanted my fiancé to have her ring..." he gave Natalie a gentle squeeze and ignored the pain in his heart as he talked about Natalie being his fiancé. There was nothing in this world he wanted more...

Natalie was shocked at his words then smiled and went along with it. She wrapped an arm around John's waist and smiled up at him, "You're so sweet, my love," she said.

'My love...' John's heart clenched at the words. He would give anything to be her love... Seeing her look up at him he again wanted to kiss her but instead looked back at the manager and said, "I would like to go to my box now..."

The manager nodded and said, "May I see some ID?"

John knew this was coming and had his fake ID ready. He and Jesse had made fake ID's of each other a long time ago just incase... Taking it out he handed it over saying, "Of course."

The manager looked at it intently before handing it back then led them to a little room right outside the vault. "Wait here please." He said politely then left the room. He was suspicious of this couple. The woman had looked shocked at the introduction that "Mr. Johnson" had given and she seemed uncomfortable touching him. After someone had impersonated an important client he was more diligent about security, even if the people did have a key and Proper ID.

Natalie was confused. This wasn't how they did it when she wanted to look in her safety deposit box. "What's going on?" she whispered to John.

John knew something was up. A quick glance around the room showed that there were video camera's there. He realized that the fact that they didn't act like a couple had tipped the manager off and he was watching them to see what they did. Before he could think about it he grabbed Natalie to him and pulled her close. He bent his head low and said, "Kiss me!" then before she could react he claimed her lips in a heated kiss.

Natalie was shocked and put her hands on John's shoulders to push him away but then got distracted by the sensation of his mouth on hers. Heat flooded thru her and she forgot about pushing him away as she began to kiss him back. Pulling him closer she opened her mouth with a little moan, granting his seeking tongue access.

The kiss had started as a ruse to get the manager to believe their story but all thought flew out of his head when he heard Natalie's sweet little moan and she opened her mouth. Sweeping his tongue into her hot mouth he tasted that which he had never hoped to taste. He moaned; she tasted so good. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her closer and angled his head to deepen the kiss, totally lost in the moment.

**To be continued...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

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**Chapter 8**

The kiss continued until Natalie heard someone clear their throat loudly. She pulled away breathing heavily and somewhat shaky. She looked at John who looked as dazed as she felt. That kiss was unlike any she had never experienced before. Not even Jesse's kiss had affected her as much. Jesse... The thought of his name filled her with guilt. She realized that John still held her to him and pushed away, guilt making her look everywhere but at John's face.

John felt Natalie draw back and swallowed a moan of disappointment. As he let her go he saw the guilt on her face and knew she felt like she had betrayed Jesse by responding to him. As much as he would like to regret the kiss he couldn't. That was the best kiss he had ever experienced and he wouldn't take it back for anything. He licked his lips and turned towards the noise that had interrupted them. It was the bank manager. Realizing his hands were shaking, from the kiss, he put them to his sides and gave a sheepish shrug. "Sorry, guess we got a little carried away."

Natalie saw John talking to the manager then noticed then cameras in the room. Sudden understanding hit her. The man had been watching them. The kiss had been for his benefit... The fact that John had only kissed her to keep up their story filled her with disappointment. She refused to examine the reason why that was.

The manager looked at Natalie again and noticed that once again she was stiff and looked uncomfortable. After that kiss she and her fiancé had shared he didn't doubt that they were engaged. The heat from that kiss could have melted glass. Maybe she just wasn't big on public displays of affection, there were lots of women that were. "I have the key, you have yours?"

John nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. Stepping away from Natalie he reached into his pocket and took out the key. After showing it to the manager he followed him into the vault and together they placed their keys in the box. After that the man left him and Natalie alone with a "call me when you are finished."

John pulled out the box and set it on the table. He looked at Natalie and asked, "You ready for this?"

Natalie nodded, holding her breath as John lifted the lid. She stared a second then said softly, "Oh my God!" She stared down into the box in shock. She had suspected that Jesse had maybe stolen someone's drugs but she hadn't really believed it! But she couldn't deny what she was looking at.

Cocaine? That's what it looked like to John. And about five pounds of it if he were to guess. He looked at Natalie's shocked face and said, "It doesn't mean anything." And he tried to believe that but as he took out the package and then opened it to test it he wondered himself if maybe Jesse had been on the wrong side of the law.

"Don't taste it!" Natalie hissed at John as he brought a tiny amount to his lips.

He did. "Cocaine," he muttered. "This must be the product the guy was talking about."

At those words Natalie's heart broke a little. She had known that this would be bad. Jesse had cocaine in his safety deposit box? What else was he hiding in there? "Is there anything else?" she asked, not wanting to look.

John set aside the drugs and rummaged thru the box, sifting thru some papers. His hand his something hard underneath the papers and he moved them aside. It was a VHS tape. He took it out and set it aside. He continued looking thru the papers and he found two more things of interest, an envelope labeled "Natalie" and a picture of a young girl probably around 7 or 8 years old. "I found something."

Natalie looked over his shoulder. She was curious now and wanted to know what he found. She saw the tape and looked at him. "What's that?"

"I don't know," he said then handed her the envelope. He was saddened by the way she looked. It was as if she had been slapped in the face. And in a way she had. They both had. Finding drugs in Jesse's possession made him realize that he hadn't known Jesse at all. If he was into drugs what else was he into that John hadn't known about?

Natalie felt betrayed. She felt angry. She didn't know why Jesse had those drugs but it couldn't be for anything good! He had lied to her; he had been involved in something that had almost gotten her killed as well. She felt like her world was spinning and nothing would ever be the same when it stopped. She wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come and she just looked at John, wondering how she could have been so wrong about Jesse and if she ever really knew him at all.

John put everything back into the box except the tape, the envelope, and the photo. Then he looked back at Natalie and asked, "Aren't you gonna read that?"

Natalie looked back down at the envelope and slowly opened it. She reached inside and pulled out a sheet of paper. Tears threatening to fall she began to read...

_Dear Natalie, _

_If you are reading this I must be dead. I am so sorry that I put you in such an awful position. It wasn't my intention for you to be involved in this. By now you must realize that I have been lying to you. For that I am truly sorry. I know you don't understand what I have been doing or why. It all started years ago, when I was only 15. My sister was murdered. I never spoke of her to you, or even to John, the memories were just too painful. Anyway when she died I made a vow to find and bring down her killer. By any means necessary. It's why I became a PI and it's why I joined the Columbian Mafia. For 10 years I have been with them, trying to find the identity of the man that killed my sister. I did what they asked of me because they could help me take down Jacky DiAngelo. He is the one that killed Alison. I just found out and if you are reading this I was too. The drugs are Jacky's. I had to take them so the Columbians would trust me. I have done so many things that are unforgivable in my quest to find Alison's killer but the one thing I regret the most was lying to you and John. He is my best friend but he has no clue about this double life I have been living. Will you tell him that I am sorry and that his friendship and loyalty, though I never deserved it, meant more to me than I can ever say..._

_And you love Natalie... You mean everything to me. I love you so much. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I will always be grateful that you were in my life. Never forget that._

_Love,_

_Jesse _

_PS. Tell John that the tape will answer any other questions he is bound to have. But please Natty don't watch the tape. Please. _

Tears dripped don't Natalie's face as she read the letter. He hadn't really told her anything yet he told her everything. 10 years, he had been lying to her from the beginning and she hadn't known it, hadn't even suspected. She should hate him for it. But she couldn't. She had loved him yet she hadn't really known him and that made her sad not angry.

John watched Natalie as she read the letter and his heart ached for her obvious pain. As the tears trickled down her cheeks he wanted to wipe them away and kiss her. His mind flashed back to the kiss they had shared earlier and his body warmed at the memory. As many times as he had imagined their first kiss it had never even come close to the reality that was Natalie. He wanted to taste her again, this time not for anyone else's benefit except theirs. Natalie handing him the letter brought him out of his thoughts.

He took it but didn't look at it. He was unsure whether he should. "Go ahead," Natalie told him so he did. After reading it he too wondered how he could have missed such a big part of Jesse's life.

**To be continued...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

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**Chapter 9**

Three days... she had been back in Llanview for three days and she still felt as hurt and as confused as she had when she had first read Jesse's letter. She stood on the Angel Square Hotel roof looking out at the city. The cars drove by, their headlights lighting up the darkness as they made their way thru the empty blackness of the night.

Empty... Dark... That was how she felt right now. She had thought she had loved and had been loved by Jesse but it had been a lie. It had all been a lie, their life together, their love; it was all based on a huge lie. As hurt and as angry as she was at Jesse and at her self, for not seeing what, looking back, was so obvious, she understood Jesse's need for vengeance. She too had felt that same burning need to find and punish someone for killing a loved one. In her case that loved one had been Jesse. But now...

Now she just felt empty. She knew deep down Jesse hadn't loved her like she deserved to be loved. He had put his obsession before a life with her and had spent his entire life lying to everyone. And as much as she had loved Jesse the fact that he had so completely fooled her showed her that she hadn't loved him as much as she had thought she had. She hadn't seen, or even looked deeper than the facade that he had put on. She hadn't looked deeper, she hadn't wanted to, and that shamed her.

Then there was that kiss she had shared with John... That kiss... she couldn't stop thinking about it. About how it had made her feel. She felt guilty for enjoying it so much, for wanting to do it again. John had been trying to help her and the fact that she had responded so readily to what had only been a ruse made her angry with herself. John had been so good to her these past months and she repaid his kindness by taking advantage of him, his friendship.

Natalie sat down on the bench and took out a beer from the holder that she had brought up with her. After popping the top and taking a swig she set it back down with a deep sigh. She was confused by her feelings for John. He was her best friend yet they shared a connection that she had never felt before. It was like he knew how she felt with out her telling him, he knew what she needed with out asking her. Even the fact that he had been Jesse's best friend did nothing to diminish the bond she felt with him. And that scared her...

John had somehow become the most important person in her life and she didn't know what to do with that. Her feelings for him were confused, muddled. He had been so great when Jesse had died and then when she had lost the baby, if he hadn't been there Natalie wasn't sure she would have survived. He had become her rock, the person she went to when she needed strength and that was dangerous.

* * *

John sat in his Hotel room. The Angel Square Hotel wasn't the worst place he had ever stayed. Michael had just left and now he was alone with his thought. They were of course about Natalie. She was the only person in his life that had so consumed his thoughts. And after that kiss they had shared at the bank in Atlantic City he had thought about little else. That one brief kiss had been better than even the hottest sex he had ever had.

In those heated moments before the bank manager had interrupted them he had allowed himself to forget that it was just for show and when she had kissed him back his mind had blocked out all but the earth shattering feeling of her mouth. He had woken every night since hard and aching for her, wanting her, loving her. But he couldn't have her.

Jesse... He was part of it. The fact that she had loved, and still loved Jesse meant that John would never have a real shot with her. But it was more than that... Natalie's life had been totally blown apart the night Jesse died. Then losing her baby had nearly destroyed her. And after all that she had found out that Jesse wasn't who she thought he was. Yet she still trusted him. As much as he wanted to pursue something more than friendship with her he couldn't betray the trust she had in him.

To further complicate matters that tape that Jesse had put in the safety deposit box... He had watched it with Bo and had been stunned at its contents. It showed Jacky DiAngelo bribing a cop and then sneaking into a secure safe house and murdering a witness to a crime that he had committed. The only way Jesse could have gotten that tape was as if he had been there. The fact that Jesse HAD been there and had done nothing made John really question himself and how he could have trusted Jesse. But after seeing that tape the Atlantic City PD and the FBI were banging down his door offering him jobs. They believed that the way he tracked down and found evidence on Jacky D was deserving of reward.

He was tempted to take the FBI job... It would be easier than being here, so near Natalie, but not having what he truly wanted. But the thought of being away from her was equally as painful. He ran over his face and sighed. He didn't know what to do. Going to the fridge he took out a beer and took a long drink. He felt cramped in the tiny room and decided to go to the roof to think. He hadn't been there in a while but it was a place that helped him think clearly.

* * *

Natalie was on her fourth beer when she heard the roof door behind her open then slam shut. She thought who ever it was had seen her and left but when she heard that raspy "Hey" she realized that the person had been John, the object of her musings, and that he most definitely hadn't gone back inside.

John saw Natalie sitting on the bench and his heart rate automatically sped up. She looked so beautiful sitting there looking out at the lights. He said hey and walked over to the bench "Can I sit?" he asked.

Natalie moved over with out a word and he sat down. She was about to hand him a beer when she noticed he already had one of his own. They sat for a long time, just sipping their beer and staring out at the night sky before Natalie said anything, "What are you doing up here?" she asked curiously, even as her pulse quickened at the sound of his voice.

John shrugged but could not tell her the real reason he was up here. How did you tell a woman, especially one that was in love with a dead man, that he had come up here to get away from thoughts of her? "Needed to think..." was all he told her.

"Me too," Natalie replied and again they fell into silence. After a while Natalie began to lean slightly toward John with out realizing it. Soon she was resting against his side and he put his arm around her shoulders. They didn't look at each other or say anything. They just sat. Finally Natalie couldn't take it any more. She turned to John and was about to ask him something, anything to take her mind off her hammering pulse and her wayward desires. But when she looked at him she was overwhelmed with the desire to feel his mouth on hers again.

The beer in her system, while not enough for her to be drunk, gave her the lack of inhibition that caused her to do something she probably wouldn't have done otherwise. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

John turned his head to look at her in surprise. He was shocked when Natalie's mouth touched his and when she took her hands and buried them in his hair bringing his face closer he gave in and kissed her back. He knew he shouldn't but with her lips moving under his, with her body rubbing against him he was having a hard time remembering why this was a bad idea. So he kissed her back with all the desire he felt for her.

Tangling his hands in hair he kissed her hard and deep, his tongue gliding over her lips before slipping into her mouth to trace the inner recesses. He moaned when she darted her tongue out to duel with his and tightened his hold on her. His blood hammered and he felt like he would die from the pleasure of it all. She was like a taste of heaven and he couldn't get enough.

**To be continued...**


	10. Chapter 10 Smut

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

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**Chapter 10 NC-17**

What had begun as an impulsive kiss on the cheek had turned into a flagrant display of sensuality, but Natalie didn't care. As John's mouth ravaged hers she ran her hands down his back loving the feel of the corded muscles under the fabric of his shirt. The cold of the outside air did nothing to dampen the heat that John was evoking with his scorching kiss. She moaned against his mouth and pulled her body closer trying to get as much body contact as she could.

Right... Wrong... they didn't matter right now to her. The feel of John's mouth blocked out all thought but one... She wanted him. Now. Right here. Moaning again as John kissed her with increasing passion she grabbed his jacket and began pushing it down his arms, eager to feel his bare flesh.

John was lost. The minute he took her mouth he was gone, lost in the taste and feel of her wonderful kiss. He didn't know how they had ended up like this but at the moment he didn't care. All he cared about was getting more, tasting more. He deepened the already deep kiss and pulled her closer. As he finally lifted his head to suck in a deep breath of much needed air he felt Natalie shoving his jacket down his arms and off him. He froze, suddenly realizing what he was doing.

This was Natalie! She trusted him and he was taking advantage of her. "No, we can't do this," he rasped out, still burning from her touch. He jumped up off the bench and backed away, his breath sawing in and out as he tried to catch his breath.

Natalie was stunned by John's sudden withdrawal and frowned. Her body still reacting to his kisses, she also stood. She advanced on him determined to continue what they had started. She didn't know much right now but she knew she wanted him, more than she had ever wanted anyone in her life and she wasn't going to give up so easily. For every step she took John backed up one as well, until he hit the wall behind him, then he had nowhere to go.

John didn't know what she was about but he knew that if he touched her again he wouldn't be able to stop. He wanted her so badly, loved her so much but he knew she would regret it in the morning if they were to make love. So he backed away, until he couldn't go any farther. Natalie continued to advance on him slowly, and as much as he tried not to let the look in her eyes and the way she moved, turned him on to the point of pain. "We can't do this," he said again, his voice harsh and low.

Natalie just kept coming until she stood inches from him. Her brain screamed at her to stop but she didn't listen, she wanted him so much and she would have him. If only for one night... At his words Natalie quirked her mouth a little and looked at him with the devil in her eyes. He wanted her, she could tell. He just needed to know she wanted him just as much. With out giving him a chance to do anything but gasp and moan loudly she took her right hand and placed it over the obvious bulge in his pants. "Oh, I think we can," she said softly, seductively. Then she leaned in and kissed him fiercely.

John put his hands on her shoulders to push her away but couldn't take his hands off her or force them to put her from him. He broke the kiss and struggled with his own body for control. She didn't make it easy on him and stroked his rigid length. "Natalie, stop..." he moaned out, "You don't know what you are doing."

Natalie stroked him again and said, "Yes I do. I want you John!" At those words John's resistance broke, she wanted him, and he claimed her mouth in a possessive kiss so heated Natalie gasped and grabbed on to his shoulders so she didn't fall down.

John was past the point of stopping now. He wanted her, he needed her, and she wanted him too! Taking control of the situation he grabbed her ass and pulled her to his throbbing erection. He spun them around, pressed her back against the cold bricks, and pushed his hips into her soft stomach. He groaned at the contact, "Natalie..."

Natalie felt his surrender and gloried in it. She loved the wild passion he was displaying. Gasping for breath as he released her mouth she dug her nails into his back and ground her hips into his. Her core was throbbing with the desire to have him buried deep inside her body. She moaned as John tugged her hair, bending her neck back and blazing a trail of hot open-mouthed kisses across her jaw line and down her neck.

John was out of control. His body thrummed with the force of his need. His cock was hard as stone and pressed painfully against his zipper. He placed savage kisses on her face and neck as his hands reached for the hem of Natalie's shirt. He pulled it up and off her then tossed it to the ground. Seeing her there clad in only a bra caused him to growl in approval and he took her breasts in his hands. He began to caress them urgently thru the fabric of her bra, loving the feel of them. They were perfect and he wanted to taste them. He took off her bra and smiled at the sight of her bare breasts. As his mouth descended he muttered, "Perfect" before closing his mouth over her erect nipple and sucking lightly.

At the first contact of his mouth on her breasts Natalie gasped and tangled her hands in his hair. It felt so good. Her core flooded with moisture and she clamped her legs together, trying to find some relief. It didn't work and she moaned loudly.

John looked up and smiled at the look on her face. She was flushed with arousal and looked dazed. He saw her rotating her hips and knew he had to touch her. He picked her up and waked them to the bench. Laying her down he stripped off the rest of her clothes and stood back for a moment, just looking at her. She was beautiful, breath taking. His breathing became labored and he shook with the effort it took not to simply take her right then and there but he wanted this to be perfect for her, for him, for them.

With that thought in mind he dropped to his knees in front of her. He wanted to give her pleasure beyond anything she had ever felt before. Natalie sat up to look at him and he saw the desire in her eyes and the questions. Giving her no time to voice her questions he leaned up and took her mouth. Slowly he brought his hand to her thighs and caressed them open. He broke the kiss and smiled at her then brought his hand to the apex of her thighs.

Natalie sat there on the bench with her legs spread wide as she waited to see what John would do next. She had never been so filled with desire before; she had never wanted anything as much as she wanted John's hands on her, touching her right now. She arched her hips up and moaned his name, "John" and finally he touched her. He took his hand and slid two fingers in her throbbing core, the sensation of his fingers caressing her from the inside out causing her to moan loudly.

John again took her mouth even as he worked her body with his fingers. In and out, in and out. The feel of her tight body around his fingers tested his control, pushed his limits but he wanted to feel her come apart in his hands. He needed to show her how much he loved her. Even if he didn't say the words he wanted her to know.

Muffling her pleasured cries with his mouth he continued to plunge his fingers in her, feeling her body tensing, clenching him. Gradually John upped the pace of his fingers, brought his other hand up to her breasts, and started pinching her nipple.

Natalie screamed as the pleasure overtook her and she toppled over the pinnacle into pure ecstasy. Her inner muscles clenched around his fingers and she cried out over and over into his mouth as she released. Finally after a long moment she slumped back on the bench breathing heavily but he wasn't done with her yet and Natalie moaned anew at what John did next.

John brought his fingers up and he looked into her eyes. He licked them off tenderly, savoring her taste, and then continuing to look into her eyes, he descended down her body, his mouth stopping at her wet core. He took one last look up at her passion filled face and then licked her sensitive nub.

"Oh God!" she got out as fire shot thru her again.

John ignored the painful throbbing in his groin as he tasted her with his tongue. His body wanted to rush but he was determined to make this a night she would never forget. He licked and sucked until she was writhing above him with her second release.

As she recovered from her second orgasm Natalie pulled John up and reached for his clothes. She had just had two mind-blowing orgasms but still she wanted more, she wanted him inside her. She needed him inside her. She tugged at his clothes until he helped her get rid of them. When he was as naked as she was she looked him over with eyes glazed with desire. Taking in the size of his erection her eyes widened and she got a smile on her face. She reached for him and closed her hand around him, making him gasp and press into her touch.

John was at the limit of his control as he pulled away from her touch and then laid Natalie back on the bench. He looked at her and realized the bench was too small to lie down on fully so he took her hand and stood her up. He switched their positions and sat down on the bench himself. Tugging her closer he moved his legs between her knees and pulled her forward.

Natalie saw what he wanted her to do and climbed onto his lap, her knees on the bench on either side of his hips. She held her self up over his erection and looked into his eyes. When he brought his hand to her chest and began to fondle her breasts she could wait no more. Using her hand to position him she sank down, taking him deep into her.

John felt her surrounding him and was overwhelmed with emotions. She felt so good! "Jesus!" he gasped when she twitched her hips, causing delicious sensations to rocket thru him. He took his hand from her breasts and gripped her hips in a tight grip, desperate to finish what they had started. The reality of what was happening hit him and he let out another rasping moan. He burned with love and desire for her and he began to move her up and down on his rigid length.

Natalie assisted the movement and soon she was gasping and moaning in pleasure. Together they worked to reach that peak that would hurtle them both into the stars. Her legs pumping and her body burning she gasped then stilled, the tension inside her breaking and she climaxed almost violently.

John felt her go and he thrust up into her once...twice more then groaned wildly as he exploded inside her. His spasming member releasing his essence into her pulsing canal. For him it was more then just a physical release. He poured out all the love and affection he felt for her in that one beautiful moment and he felt truly alive for the first time in his life. Finally he sagged back to the bench, limp and spent. His head was spinning and he couldn't believe what had just happened. He had just made love to Natalie. His Natalie!

They stared at each other for untold minutes then Natalie reached down and grabbed her clothes, putting on only the outside ones. John did the same, not sure what her reaction was. Finally she reached for his hand and tugged him to the door and down to his room. He was confused but happier then he could ever remember being. When he opened the door she went in, still silently, and pulled him in with her.

**To be continued...**


	11. Chapter 11

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

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**Chapter 11**

Natalie groaned and stretched. Her head was slightly achy and she couldn't remember where she was at first. She shifted beneath the sheet that was covering her and was confused as to where her clothes were. Suddenly she felt movement next to her and she whipped her head around to the man lying beside her in the bed.

"Oh, God! What did I do?" She groaned softly as the memory of the night before hit her. She had slept with John; she had had sex with her best friend! 'No, she hadn't just had sex with him! She had practically raped him' She thought as she remembered how he had tried to stop it but she had kept pushing until he had given in. "My God' she thought, 'what kind of woman am I?'

She carefully got out of bed and went looking for her clothes. She had to get out of there before John woke up. She didn't want him waking up and looking at her in disgust when he saw her. As quietly as she could she got dressed and left the room.

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John rolled over, reaching for Natalie in his sleep. When his hand encountered only cold sheets he popped his eyes open and looked around. She was gone... He felt like he had just been kicked in the gut. Last night had been the best night of his life. With Natalie he felt a connection that he had never felt before. It hadn't just been sex with her; it had been making love.

Obviously, judging by her lack of presence, she had regretted it. He had been afraid of that and he should have stopped. He knew he should have but he had wanted her for so long that after she had touched him he couldn't have stopped if the place had been hit by a bomb.

He rolled over and pressed his face in her pillow, inhaling her sent. The smell made him hard and he sighed. After last night it would be impossible to act normal around her. What was he going to do? He couldn't go back to the way things had been before, even if he wanted to, which he didn't. But he also knew she didn't love him, not the way he wanted her to anyway. His chest felt tight as he imagined going to her and pouring his heart out only to have her look at him with pity and say that she didn't love him and never could.

She would tell him that last night was a mistake, a drunken mistake that she wished had never happen... He didn't think he could do it... He couldn't face her only to hear that. Because as much as he want to regret it, as much as he wanted to be sorry that it happened he couldn't, because he didn't regret any of it. Not one touch, not one kiss, he wasn't sorry about at all. He had savored every touch, reveled in every kiss that they shared and if he had to live the night over again he knew that he would do it all over again.

That might make him a horrible person, or at least a selfish one but that was how he felt. Inhaling once more John sat up and ran a hand thru his hair. Feeling this way he suddenly knew that there was no way he could stay in Llanview. To be near her, to be so close to her and not have her would be torture. He had to leave. Natalie's family was here and because of the tape Jesse had Jacky had been arrested and would be put in jail for a long, long time. She would be fine.

He thought back to last night again, this time to before he had went to the roof. The thought about the offer the FBI had made him and he knew that in light of what had happened he _had_ to take the job. The pain of being so far from Natalie would be horrible but it would be better then facing her again and seeing the regret in her eyes when she told him that last night meant nothing to her. He got out of bed and put on some clean clothes. It was time to leave Llanview.

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Natalie rushed into Llanfair and up to her room. She hadn't stayed there much but she needed to be there right now. She had just made it to her door when Jessica came out of her room and saw her.

"Natalie? Are you just getting in? Where were you all night?" Jessica asked, shocked at seeing Natalie sneaking in the house after she had obviously been out all night.

Natalie looked at Jess and then was silent for a minute. She mentally debated telling her what happened. All her feelings were confused and close to the surface and she didn't know if she could talk to Jess with out breaking down and spilling the entire story, right down to the fact that she had practically attacked then begged John to be with her. It was humiliating to know that he hadn't really wanted to make love to her and had only given in out of pity.

"I did a stupid thing," Natalie said finally, giving in to her need to talk.

Jess walked over to Natalie and took her by the hand. She led her into her bedroom and shut the door. "What did you do?" she asked gently as both she and Natalie sat on the bed.

Natalie closed her eyes tightly and put her hand over her face. "I slept with John," she said, her voice muffled by the hands she kept over her face.

Jess wasn't that shocked and asked, "Why is that stupid. Obviously you care about him and any idiot can tell he cares about you too."

"You don't understand!" Natalie said and began to cry a little. "He didn't want to but I practically forced him!"

Jess had to fight back a laugh; it had been obvious to her from her first meeting with John that he was in love with Natalie. So the idea of Natalie "forcing" him was funny. "Why do you think that?" she asked her sister then paused for a second before saying thoughtfully, "You know if a guy doesn't want to its pretty hard to force the issue."

Natalie looked up, her face red with embarrassment, and said, "He pushed me away and said we had to stop." Looking away she continued, "I kept pushing and he finally gave in." Sniffing she then finally looked back to Jess, "I don't even know how it happened. I went up to the roof to think. I had a couple beers and then John showed up. We just sat there then something came over me and I just kissed him."

Jess was silent for a minute, absorbing this information, "Were you drunk?" she asked after a long moment.

"NO! I only had a couple. But I was a little buzzed." Natalie said mournfully.

"What did John say when you talked to him this morning? Did he say he regretted it? That he was sorry?"

"I woke up before he did. I took off." Natalie looked down at her hands, "I just couldn't face him Jess. He was trying to be my friend and I took advantage of that."

Jess felt badly for John now. She knew he must have been hurt to find Natalie gone. "Maybe John wanted you and thought he was taking advantage of you. Maybe you didn't force him to do anything. I think that he probably wanted last night as much as you did."

Natalie was stunned to think of that possibility. "You really think so? What if he wants nothing to do with me? Why do I fell this way Jess? I am just so confused."

"Natalie, are you in love with John?" Jess asked abruptly. She wanted to get to the heart of the matter. Maybe then Natalie could find her way.

Natalie looked again at Jess in shock, "In Love? No, of course not." She shook her head vehemently but said less surly, "At least I don't think so..." in love with John? No she couldn't be. She would know! But imagining her life with out him was so painful that she had to say, "I don't know how I feel."

"Maybe you should talk to John. I think if you and John talked you would feel better and he would to I am sure." Jess suggested. If they could just talk maybe Natalie would realize that she and John were perfect for each other.

Natalie sat there a full minute, thinking. She truly didn't know how she felt about John. He was her best friend yet he was more than that. Maybe she did need to talk to him... "You're right Jess. I need to talk to John." She got off the bed and headed for the door. Stopping suddenly she turned back and gave Jess a hug. "Thanks, I think I just needed someone to listen to me."

Jess hugged Natalie back then smiled as she watched her leave the room. John would convince her that he loved her. If ever there was a time for them, now was it.

**To be continued...**


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry for the HUGE delay with this chapter. After My Laptop broke I kinda lost my motivation and momentum with this fic. I know this chapter is... well... a little boring and not in the same style as the rest of the fic and I am sorry. I need to get back into the groove with this one. I am going to provide a recap for all those who have forgotten what this fic is about. Again sorry for the delay. (On a side note, I am using my aunts Laptop now as mine is officially toast. It is broken beyond repair. The spell check is not as good on this comp so if there are more mistakes then usual I am very sorry!!)**

**Recap:**

**-Natalie was engaged to Jesse. Jesse was murdered. She was pregnant and lost the baby.**

**-John Loves Natalie. Has always loved her. He helped her thru Jesse's death and the loss of her baby. **

**-Together they found his killer and brought him to justice. **

**-After they found out Jesse was somewhat dirty Natalie got a little drunk and she and John made love on the roof**

**-Natalie was confused and felt like she had taken advantage of John's friendship so she skipped out before he woke the next morning.**

**-John woke up with out Natalie there and thought she was ashamed of sleeping with him. He felt that it would be too painful to stay in town so he decided to leave town.**

**-Natalie talks to Jess who convinces her to go talk to John about her conflicted feelings not knowing that John has decided to leave town. **

**And that is where we are now. I recommend you go back and actually read the rest of the story if you are picking up here with out reading. And with out further ado here is the next chapter!**

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

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**Chapter 12**

_One month later_

John walked from his apartment to the general store a block away. Getting his beer from there was the routine that he had done for the past three weeks. Since he had left Llanview and Natalie his life was dull and empty. He didn't much care about anything. He had taken the Chief of Detectives job that that Atlantic City Police department had offered him and had thrown him self into it with all the vigor of a man possessed.

He was deep in thought as he pushed open the door to the store. Like usual he headed straight to the back and opened the beer fridge and took out his favored 6-pack. He froze for a moment as he got an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something wasn't right, he could feel it. He looked around cautiously but didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Not letting down his guard he approached the counter and set his beer on the top.

Suddenly two masked men stormed into the store brandishing what looked to be semi-automatic weapons. The men wore black jackets and tight ski masks on their faces but John could tell that they were young. About 18-20 years old. The taller one was black and wiry and the other, while not as tall was white and very muscular. John held his breath as the taller one spoke.

"Don't Move! Gimme all the money!" Aiming the gun at the clerk he demanded in a rough, obviously disguised, voice.

The other man walked directly over to John and shoved the gun into his face. "You too! I want all your money." He paused a minute and then looked John over. "And that leather coat you are wearing!"

The minute he spoke John realized that he was high on some drug. His eyes were dilated and glazed over. The cop in him told him that if he took off his coat and the man saw his gun he would shoot him with out question. His chances of getting out of this hold up were not looking good at the moment. 'Think John!" he told himself as he tried to figure a way out of this mess.

"NOW" The hopped up thug shouted.

John hesitated a second longer then began to remove his jacket. Out of the corner of his eye he was the clerk hit the alarm. The alarm went off and the gunmen started. The tall one jumped and cursed loudly. A second later he whipped his gun up to shoot the clerk.

The other one also jumped but began shooting at anything he could see. John dived at the clerk knocking him out of the way even as he drew his own weapon. As he hit the floor he fired two shots, each finding their target.

Suddenly everything was still. The alarm rang loudly in his ears as he got to his feet to disarm the thugs. John quickly went over to the wounded men and kicked the guns away from them. He took the cuffs from his pocket and cuffed the first man. Not having another set of cuffs on him he took some rope off the shelf and tied the other up. Just as he was finishing up a cop car pulled up and two officers rushed into the store.

"It's clear" John old them. He watched numbly as the thugs were read their rights and taken away. The adrenaline still pumped thru his body making him feel hyper and his mind race. He got in his car and followed down to the station. Thru it all one thought rang thru his brain, 'I could have died and I never told Natalie that I love her.'

It was then that he realized that no matter what the outcome he had to return to Llanview and tell Natalie how he felt about her. He couldn't die and not have her know just how much she meant to him.

* * *

"Come on Jess" Natalie complained to her twin sister. "I don't want to go out tonight."

Jess watched as Natalie sat on her bed and shook her head vehemently. She had been trying to get her sister out of the house for the past hour. After Natalie had returned from John's and told her that he had left she had pretty much shut down. She still wouldn't admit to herself let alone anyone else that she loved John. But Jess could tell. She had broken heart written all over her and it was up to Jess to help her heal. "Come on Natty. As a favor to me?"

Natalie shook her head again. She didn't feel like going anywhere and it was getting kind of annoying that Jess kept trying to get her out of the house. "I don't feel good Jess. I just want to stay home and sleep." She really was pretty tired. She had been feeling that way for a week or so. She figured she was pushing her self too hard at work. After Bo had hired her in the forensics lab she had been working non-stop.

Jess stopped pleading and switched to concerned sister mode. "Are you still feeling tired? Maybe you are sick Natalie. You should go to the doctor."

Natalie rolled her eyes. She didn't think it was anything serious and she hated going to the doctor. To distract Jess from that line of thought before she could really get going on it she signed and said. "Fine, I'll go out with you tonight. But no blind dates!" she told Jess.

Jess, distracted like Natalie had planned, said, "Good! Lets go to Rodi's and play some pool."

Natalie nodded. Maybe she needed a night out. She really hadn't gone anywhere since John had left. John... just the thought of his name brought a wave of loneliness and confused feelings. She still hadn't worked out in her head what she really felt for him. But the point was moot anyway since he had left town with out so much as a good bye. That really hurt. That he had just left after the night they had shared.

She knew that she had basically done the same thing by leaving before he woke up but come on! She hadn't left town! She had just needed some time to think! It wasn't everyday that a girl got drunk and slept with her best friend. She still felt like she had taken advantage of that friendship and no matter what Jess told her she felt like it was her fault that John took off.

" Natalie?" Jess said questioningly.

Natalie started and realized that she had gotten lost in thought. She sighed and got off the bed. The room spun for a second and she had to stand perfectly still while the sensation passed. After a second or two she felt better and headed to the bathroom to change.

Jess didn't notice Natalie's hesitation and grinned as the bathroom door swung shut. She was glad that she had convinced Natalie to go out. Natalie came out a minute later and they headed out to Rodi's.

* * *

"I win again!" Natalie gloated as she sank the 8 ball. She had beaten Jess every game. She was actually having a good time and was glad Jess had convinced her to come.

Jess groaned theatrically and pretended to pout. "I guess I owe you a drink then. Beer?" she asked with a good natured smile.

Natalie's stomach twisted at thought of drinking a beer. She grimaced and replied, "Pepsi."

Jess looked at Natalie strangely for a second and then shrugged. Natalie usually didn't turn down beer but if she wanted Pepsi that was ok with her. She was having too good of a time to quibble over something so small. She went to get their drinks. When she came back Natalie was already sat down at a table waiting.

Natalie looked up as Jess returned with their drinks. As Jess sat down she smiled at her and said," Thanks for making me come. I am actually having a good time." Taking a sip of the Pepsi Natalie grinned at Jess's stunned expression.

Jess was indeed shocked at Natalie's words. She hadn't thought her sister would actually admit to having a good time. "No problem." Jess said with a giggle. She loved hanging out with Natalie. They talked and had fun as they got something to eat. When they were finished Jess began to clean up and Natalie stood.

"I have to go to the ladies room," Natalie said as she stood. Suddenly she felt dizzy again and the world went black.

"Natalie!!!!" Jess cried as Natalie hit the floor with a thud. Rushing over to her fallen sister Jess grabbed Natalie's shoulder and shook, "Natalie!" she shouted and yelled for Mac to call an ambulance when Natalie remained unconscious.

**To be continued...**


	13. Chapter 13

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

**Sorry for the delay again. Life has been very hectic and the muse has been out to lunch on this story. This chapter is short and a little boring but it does have a purpose. Trust me. LOL and I apologize for the varying writing style. It is hard to keep it consistent after such long breaks. Again hope you like the chapter! The next one will be faster in coming!**

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**Chapter 13**

Jess paced back and forth in the waiting room as she waited for news about Natalie's condition. The rest of the family sat watching her pace and remember how Natalie had been so pale as she lay on the floor of Rodi's. In that moment Jess knew that her life would never be the same if her sister wasn't ok. Before she had moved to Llanview she and Natalie hadn't really been all that close but now after all that had happened, Jesse, the baby, John... they were closer then ever and the thought of losing her was terrifying.

Just when she thought she was going to go crazy with the waiting Michael came in and told her that Natalie was awake and asking for her. She breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Thank God!" She looked at Michael and asked, "Is she going to be ok? What happened to her? Why did she faint?"

Michael smiled secretly. He knew why and was not unhappy with the answer. But... It wasn't his place to say anything. It being against the rules and all to disclose a patient's information he simply said, "Natalie will tell you herself."

* * *

Natalie sat on the exam table stunned and in shock. How could this have happened she wondered to herself. and what do I do about it? She sighed and thought back to her conversation with Michael McBain. (Boy had that been awkward!)

Ten Minutes earlier 

Michael came into the room looking over Natalie's med chart. "I can't find anything wrong with you that about 8 months won't fix," he said with a smile. "Congratulations Natalie. You're pregnant."

Natalie looked at him and almost threw up. "What?" She stared at him incredulously and shook her head, "That's impossible!"

Michael cocked his head and looked surprised at her words. He cleared his throat and said, "You haven't umm.. had relations with anyone about a month ago? Cause I can run some more tests." He started looking thru the chart again, "I have never had these test come back wrong," he muttered to himself.

Natalie heard his words and blushed bright red. She had been with someone... Michaels brother in fact, but she wasn't about to blurt that out! "Umm Yeah I have," Natalie told him, still blushing. "But it was only one night and I was careful."

Michael shook his head and said, "I don't have to tell you one time is all it takes. And most women are usually very fertile in the first three months after a miscarriage. So..." he trailed off. He knew it wasn't any of his business but he wondered who the father was. A large part of him thought it was John. He knew John was in love with Natalie and would do anything for her. Including leave town to make her happy. John wouldn't way so but he believed that's why John had moved back to A.C. Because something had happened with Natalie...

Natalie saw the look on Michael's face and scowled. He looked like he knew or at least suspected who the father was. She might as well just say it, "Yes, John is the father." She fell silent after that, thinking. There wasn't really anything more she could, or would, say about it until she figured out what she was going to do.

Michael nodded but didn't say anything. He could see that Natalie was shaken up by this. Being the good doctor that he was he simply prescribed prenatal vitamins and told her to make an appointment with an OB/GYN. After he left the room he bumped into Jess and told her Natalie was fine and ready to see her.

* * *

Two hours later Natalie found herself on the roof of the angel square hotel. The place where this baby had been made. Her thoughts were muddled and her feelings were confused. On one hand she knew with out a doubt that she would keep the baby on the other hand she didn't know how she would keep the baby. The thought of a life growing with in her reminded her of the baby she had lost.

Jesse hadn't been who she thought he was but they had created a life together. The fact that that life had disappeared still tore at her. She was afraid that this baby would go away too. Maybe it was her, maybe her body wouldn't let her have a healthy baby. The fear was like a burning ache in her stomach.

And on top of her fears about the baby she was uncertain about the baby's father. John... He was so wonderful. He had helped her thru some of the worst times of her life. She cared about him, A lot. But were those feelings she had love? She wasn't sure. It wasn't like what she had felt for Jesse. That had been calm, gentle, soft. The feelings she had for John were anything but. When they were together she felt like she was in a tidal wave of emotion. Her pulse raced and her mind literally froze. The passion between them was hotter then the sun. But it was more than that. She felt safe with him, she felt protected. Was that love? Natalie froze at that thought. Was this love? Yes! Her mind said suddenly.

Her mental fog cleared with that staggering realization. She DID love John. Natalie buried her face in her hands. "I'm so stupid," she muttered to herself. She loved John! "Oh, God!" she rasped. "And I walked out on him..." She sat there in shock and filled with remorse at her actions. John had been her friend, her best friend and by leaving him like that she must really have hurt him. And any chance she had at getting him to love her back.

She sat there for a little while longer thinking about the baby and John and by the time she stood up she had a plan.

"I have to tell him about the baby, tonight. And that I love him." She told herself. Gathering her courage she opened the roof door and headed for her car. She was going back to Atlantic City to see John. It was time to stop being a coward and grab live with both hands. If John didn't love her she would deal but sitting here feeling sorry for herself wasn't the answer.

* * *

John headed for his car determined to tell Natalie of his love for her. He was unaware that she was headed to him for the exact same reason. He was also unaware of the car that was waiting in the parking lot for him. As he walked to the car door he heard a noise and then felt a horrible pain in is side. His legs went weak and he crumpled to the ground hitting his head on a rock. Right before he blacked out he saw the black sedan that had been waiting for him. He recognized it then the dark waves of pain overtook him and he fell unconscious.

**To Be Continued...**


	14. Chapter 14

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Special thanks to Tina for letting me snake her story idea and for all the help she has given me on this story.**

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**Chapter 14**

Natalie knocked on John's apartment door and waited. Getting no response she knocked again. And again waited. There was nothing. Her nerves had been screaming the whole trip to Atlantic City and she just wanted to get it over with. She sighed and looked around. There wasn't anyone around to ask where he was so she assumed he was at the police station. With another sigh she turned around and headed back to her car.

She was disappointed that she hadn't found John right away but she was determined to tell him she loved him and about the baby. She didn't know what his reaction would be but she had to do it. Praying to find John at the station she quickly headed there.

As Natalie got to the station she was surprised to find that there was an ambulance just leaving and many police officers outside watching it go. She pulled in and got out of the car. Something in her gut telling her that John needed her. She looked around frantically as she scanned the faces of the officers.

John wasn't there...

Now she started to panic she rushed forward and grabbed the arm of a passing officer. "John McBain?" she questioned, her voice trembling with fear.

Officer Daniels looked at the scared red head who grabbed is arm. He knew who she was immediately. This was Natalie Balsom; the woman John was in love with. Her picture had been on John's desk since he had started. He was going to have to tell her that John was on his way to the hospital... Not something he wanted to do but he knew John wouldn't want her to find out some other way. "Natalie, right?" he asked hesitantly.

Natalie looked at the officer and her face went pale. His face told it all but she needed to hear the words. Her heart clenched at what she imagined he would say. Terrified she choked out, "Tell me he's not dead!" Tears began forming in her eyes but she refused to let them fall until she knew what happened. So she kept her eyes staring into his and didn't look away as the officer took a deep breath and spoke in a soothing gentle voice meant to comfort but only induced more panic.

"NO!" he said loudly trying to clear up the misconception right away. "John McBain was shot. He's alive and on his way to the Atlantic City Memorial hospital."

Natalie didn't waste time with any other questions. She simply spun around and ran to her car. She raced to the hospital so fast that she almost thought she might beat the ambulance there. She jumped out and ran for the emergency entrance, not even bothering to shut her car door.

Slamming into the ER waiting room she bolted to the desk and demanded, "John McBain! He was brought in with a gun shot wound. How is he!?!"

The nurse looked at Natalie and scowled. She also knew who this was. Natalie Balsom Buchanan. The little princess that helped take down the mob boss Jacky DiAngelo. Thought she was all miss big shit cause she did a little something and had wads of cash. In a rude voice the nurse said, "I'm sorry. Who are you?"

Natalie looked at the nasty nurse and just about snarled at her in anger. "I'm Natalie Balsom. My uh.. friend John McBain was brought in with a GSW. How is he?!" She tried to keep her voice level and not rude because she knew she would get more answers that way.

"Is there a problem here?" a new voice interrupted.

Natalie spun around to the voice and started to speak. But almost as soon as she open her mouth a gurney was wheeled in and she saw that it was John. "John!" she shouted and ran over to the side of the gurney. She looked him over and he looked terrible. There was a very bloody bandage on his side and on his head she could see a very bad looking gash peaking out from the bandage that had become dislodged. "Oh God" she whispered.

"Miss. You need to get out of the way!" said one of the doctors along side the gurney.

Natalie ignored them and continued to look at John.

He opened his eyes and blinked a little. "Natalie?" he gasped out. He reached for her with one hand and the nurses pushing the gurney stopped pushing for a second.

"John!" Natalie breathed out and when he motioned vaguely she bent down to him.

John hurt so much. His side felt like someone was hacking it up and his head throbbed. His vision was blurry and he had to squint at her. He needed to tell her. If he didn't make it she needed to know. "Natalie," he rasped out again. Then he said something else. Something too soft to hear properly.

"What John? I can't hear you." Natalie told him.

He spoke a bit more loudly. "I love you."

Suddenly there was a loud beeping and John went unconscious again. "His blood pressure is dropping we need to get him into surgery NOW" Screamed a doctor. The gurney was rushed by and into a waiting operating room.

Natalie had tears running down her face. He said he loved her... John LOVED her! She turned back to the voice from before and saw that it was another doctor. She looked at him and asked tearfully, "What's wrong with him? Why did the monitors go off like that?"

Dr. Simpson had spent a minute talking to one of the attending nurses and actually had an answer for her but..."I'm sorry unless your immediate family I can't tell you anything."

Natalie scowled and snapped out, "He is the father of my baby! Is that immediate enough?"

Dr. Simpson could see that Natalie was serious so he sighed. "Mr. McBain was shot in the side and then fell and hit his head on a rock. The gunshot wound is not serious but the head wound caused swelling in the brain. Unless we can get the swelling down he may go into a coma or even die."

Natalie collapsed onto a near by chair at this news. "What can you do to bring the swelling down?" she asked him.

"Right now we are administering an IV of drugs designed to do just that. But we need to get the bullet out of him or John will bleed to death." Dr. Simpson told her bluntly.

"Is that why the monitor went off? Because he was loosing too much blood?" Natalie asked. She needed to know. She didn't know why but she just needed to know everything.

"Yes." He glanced at his watch and said, "I have to make my rounds now but if you need anything else come find me." He told her kindly.

Natalie watched him go then turned back to the operating room that John had gone in to. She stared at it for a full 5 minutes just praying that he would be ok. She was still praying when the bitchy nurse interrupted her.

"Miss Balsom? Do you want to call his family or should I?" She said it snidely like she thought that Natalie wouldn't want to be bothered to call John's family.

Natalie looked at her, tears still pouring out of her eyes and snapped, "I'll do it!" With that she took out her cell phone and began dialing.

"Cell Phones aren't aloud in the hospital," reprimanded the nurse even more snidely.

Natalie wanted to punch the other woman so bad but couldn't muster up enough energy. She was dreading calling Michael. He would be devastated. Flipping the horrible nurse the bird she walked out of the hospital a few feet and dialed again. It was ringing...

"Hello?"

"Michael, It's Natalie."

"What's wrong? Are you ok? Is it the baby?" Michael quickly asked, panicking.

"No, no I'm fine," Natalie quickly reassured him.

"Then what is it? Did John be an ass? Did he not listen to you?" Michael questioned, his panic ebbing.

"He was shot Michael. He is in the hospital... in surgery right now." Natalie began to cry again.

Michael froze on the other side of the connection, "WHAT?" he gasped, not being able to process this information.

"He's at Atlantic City Memorial. You need to get here. The Dr said something about swelling in his brain and that he might end up in a coma or..." she couldn't say it. She couldn't say that John might die.

Michael finally unstuck his brain enough to say, "I'm on my way." he hung up and then picked up the phone to begin calling people. He knew that later, when he got to the hospital he wouldn't be in any shape to make any calls. Right now he was still kinda numb, still not really taking it in.

Natalie hung up and went back into the hospital. She went to the waiting room and sat down. To wait. To pray.

**To be Continued**...


	15. Chapter 15

**ATTN: I do not own these characters ABC does. Don't sue cause then I won't have any money and I really do need some. LOL. Any original character I DO own however. Thanks Tina for the story idea. **

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**Chapter 15**

It had been two hours since John had gone into surgery and Natalie was about to go out of her mind. Her nerves were stretched so taunt that she was ready to explode at the slightest provocation. Between her terror at John's condition she had to deal with the rudest nurse known to man and if she made one more snide comment Natalie was going to go all Buchanan on her ass!

Between pacing the floor and sitting staring at the ER doors she was going nuts with worry for John. He just had to be ok. He just had to be...

"Natalie?"

Natalie looked up, her eyes red and swollen from the tears she had cried. "Michael!" She cried, seeing John's brother standing in front of her. She got up and walked to him slowly, hesitantly, somehow afraid of his reaction. When she got to him she stopped in front of him and simply looked at him.

"How is he?" Michael asked quietly. He was just as terrified as Natalie. After breaking every speed limit between Llanview and Atlantic City he had made it to the hospital in a far shorter time than Natalie had imagined.

Natalie looked at him sadly and began to sob again, "They don't know yet. He's been in there for hours. They got the bleeding stopped but his brain is swollen. They had to do something to release the excess fluid."

Michael nodded gravely and pulled the sobbing woman into his arms. Choking back tears himself he held Natalie as she cried. When she said something against his chest he had to shift a little and ask her to repeat herself. "What?"

Natalie cried harder as she said, "He told me he loved me..." So saying she turned her face into his chest again and cried some more.

Michael stroked her hair as he led them to the chairs. "I know he does. I'm glad he finally told you." He sat them down but continued to hold her. Just as he was about to say something else they were interrupted by a rude voice.

"If you are going to make out please do it outside!"

Michael looked up in astonishment and anger. He narrowed his eyes as he took in the speaker. It was a nurse from the ER desk. He stood up, walked over to her and got right in her face. "I don't appreciate your attitude Nurse..." he paused to look at her nametag, "Roberts. My brother is in that operating room right now and he may die so keep you snide comments to your self before I call your boss and have you fired!!!"

He looked back at Natalie but noticed that she wasn't paying any attention to the scene with the rude nurse. She was staring at the door of the operating room. Her face was filled with fear and pain. Michael glared one last time at the nurse and then joined Natalie.

An hour later Michael had gone to the coffee machine to get some coffee when he noticed Natalie staring anxiously at the doctor that had just come out of the OR. His cloths were bloody and his expression was serious. Michael rushed over to the doctor and got there just as Natalie herself did. His first question was, "How is he?"

Natalie said nothing but listened carefully, hopefully, fearfully.

The doctor took a deep breath and explained about how the procedure went. Natalie didn't understand half of what the man said but got the gist of it. John was alive; he was unconscious still and would be for a while. The procedure they did to relieve the pressure on the brain worked and the swelling was going down. "Will he be ok?" Natalie asked as soon as the doctor finished talking.

"I wish I could say for certain Ma'am." The doctor was gentle but honest. "Until he wakes up we won't know if his brain was damaged from the swelling or how bad that damage may be."

Natalie felt numb. It was like being in limbo. He thoughts swirled around in her brain and she thought her head would explode. John HAD to be ok! With out her knowledge tears began trickling down her face as she stared at the doctor.

Michael was also reeling. He was happy the procedure work and that they had been able to stop the swelling as well as stop the bleeding from the gunshot wound but the very idea that John might be damaged somehow from the swelling was unbearable to him. "Where is he? Can we see him?"

The doctor nodded, "He has been moved to his own room since we have done all we can. It's up to John now. The sooner he wakes up the better." The doctor led them down the hall and to John's room. "You can go in but one at a time and no more than ten minutes."

Natalie motioned for Michael to go first but he shook his head. "You go Natty. I think he would want to wake up to your face rather than mine."

Natalie stood at the door of John's room for a moment just looking in at him. He looked so pale lying on that hospital bed. His skin was almost the same color as the sheets covering his body. Pushing back yet another flood of tears Natalie pushed open the door and went in.

She sat on the chair next to the bed and took his hand in hers. "John, you have to wake up. I need you John, Please wake up!" She sniffled, holding back her tears. After that she fell silent and just sat there holding his hand until Michael came in. When he put his hand on her shoulder she smiled at him wanly then got up and left the room to give him time with his brother.

* * *

Michael sat down in the chair Natalie had just vacated and stared at his brother. Never had he seen John look so weak, so helpless. It scared him more than anything else. He was used to John being strong, larger than life. To see him in that bed fighting for his life was terrifying.

"Oh Johnny," He began, "What have you gotten yourself into now. You're scaring the hell out of us so you need to wake up now. That woman out there loves you one hell of a lot and you have so much to live for now. So please Johnny Wake up!" He continued talking but John made no move.

Michael knew in his head that it was probably way to early for John to wake up but his heart just couldn't stand to see John like this. There was a knock on the door and he knew his time was up with John for now. He told John he would be back soon and got up to leave.

* * *

Natalie stood right outside the door as Michael talked to John. She watched him beg his brother to wake up and talk to him, yell at him, anything but lay there so still and silent. As she was watching she noticed from the corner of her eye that the waiting room was now full of people. Cops...

They obviously were waiting for news on John. She was about to walk over to them when a group of three approached her, including Officer Daniels. "How is he?" Daniels asked.

Natalie took a breath before answering, "He's out of surgery. They relieved the pressure on his brain and patched up his side. But the doctors are worried that he might have suffered permanent brain damage from the swelling." She stopped a minute while they took in the news then asked the question that seemed most important now that John was out of surgery, "Did you get the bastards that did this to him?"

Daniels nodded, "We found the bastard two streets over. He wrecked his car speeding away. That's what took us so long getting here. We had to arrest him."

Natalie nodded once. She was filled with a grim satisfaction that the culprit was caught, "Who was it?"

"Some small time guy by the name Kenneth Watkins. He claims he was doing the job for Jacky DiAngelo. If its true he and Jacky will be doing some serious time!" Daniels said. He noticed Michael coming out of the room and offered his hand. "John's a good man, strong, He'll pull thru."

Michael shook the other mans hand and nodded, "Yes he is," he responded quietly. There really was no more to say. It was a waiting game now until John woke up.

* * *

Two days later Natalie was sitting in John's room holding his hand, talking to him when she felt his hand move. She started, thinking she had imagined it but then it moved again. "John!" She said excitedly. She peered at him from the chair she was sitting in and held her breath as she stared.

"Natalie?" John rasped out, his voice husky from disuse.

"John! Oh Thank God! You're awake!" She pressed the call button to summon a nurse then asked John, "How do you feel?"

John grunted softly and said, "Like I was shot and someone used my head for batting practice." He stared at her, remembering telling her he loved her when he saw her as he was being wheeled by. "Love you," he told her again, wanting to make sure she knew he hadn't been delirious when he told her before. It was important to him that she know.

Natalie smiled and began to cry, "I love you too, John!"

He smiled at that. He felt like shit, his side throbbed and burned and his head was pounding but he had never been happier in his life. "Marry me," he blurted out.

Natalie's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Not answering immediately she stood and stood right next to the bed and took his hand. Placing it on her stomach she said, "I'm pregnant."

It was John's turn to be shocked. His mouth gaped like a fish out of water and his eyes widened to comical proportions. He closed his eyes as the words sank in then his hand pressed firmly on her stomach and he said, "A baby? Our baby?" It was everything he had ever wanted.

Natalie nodded and smiled, "Our baby."

"Marry me," he repeated.

"Oh yes! I'll marry you!" Natalie answered just as the doctor entered the room.

**To be continued...**


	16. Chapter 16

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. So if anyone from The Mouse comes looking for their characters they are slightly busy and will be with you later when I am done using them. **

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**Chapter 16**

The doctor came in to the room and took John's chart of the hook at the end of the bed. "I see our patient is awake," he said to Natalie with a smile then he looked over the notes and silently went to check John's vitals and IV. After a minute of silence John spoke.

"So Doc, will I live?" John smirked then immediately winced as pain shot thru his head. His hand still rested on Natalie's stomach and he left it there as he waited for the doctor to speak.

The doctor smiled at John's joke and laughed at little. "I believe so Mr. McBain. You gave that young lady quite a scare." He motioned to Natalie and grinned at the sight of John's hand on her stomach. It reminded him of his own beloved wife, God rest her soul, when they had found out about their first child. He explained to John what had happened after he had been shot. John was silent as the doctor told him about the surgery and what the after effects of the swelling in his brain. That finished the doctor said, "I'll need to check your reflexes and ask you a few questions to determine if there was any damage from the swelling."

Natalie stayed by John's side while the doctor examined him. Her head swimming with happiness that John was awake and that he loved and wanted to marry her! Not only that but he wanted the baby as well. Her life finally seemed complete. The love she felt for him was beyond anything she had ever felt before and she couldn't believe that she hadn't recognized that love before this.

When she thought back to all the times that they had shared, even before that night on the roof, it seemed so obvious. He helped her thru the loss of Jesse, the loss of her baby then thru the trial of finding Jesse's killer and thru it all he had been strong and protected her. He had believed in her and trusted her. That meant more to her then she could possibly say.

And when they had found out that Jesse wasn't who they had thought he had helped her past the pain of that betrayal. When she had lost faith in everything including her own judgment he had been there for her. John really was the best person she knew. And she was so lucky she had him.

John answered the doctor's questions and did the reflex tests but all the while he just stared at Natalie. She was so beautiful. To him she was a goddess. Her long red hair burned under the florescent hospital lights and her eyes gleamed, even with the bags under them. She looked tired as if she hadn't slept in days; indeed if the doctor was telling the truth she hadn't slept since she got here. But with all that she was still the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

Finally the doctor had finished his tests and declared his brain fine. Well that was a relief. He would hate to be a drooling idiot during his wedding to Natalie. A wedding he was very close to suggesting take place immediately by summoning the hospital priest and getting married right here. But Natalie deserved better then that. She deserved everything. She WAS his everything and he loved her so much. Had since he met her and he would till he died. The fact that she loved him back, that she wanted to marry him, that she was having his baby showed him one thing. He was a lucky man.

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Three weeks... He had been in that hospital bed three weeks! After being transferred to the Llanview hospital the day after he had woken up John was getting out today and he was never so glad to get out of somewhere then he was that hospital bed. Natalie had been by his side every day, only going home for a few hours at a time to sleep. Her constant company made the place bearable but he was desperately glad to be rid of the place! Though there had been a few interesting moments. He grinned as he thought of one that had shocked and amused him.

_**Atlantic City Memorial about two hours before John was to be transferred...**_

"_Ohhh looked like money CAN buy you anything," Nurse Roberts said snidely to Natalie as she exited John's room. She had her hands on her hips and was sneering at Natalie. "Tell me did your grandfather buy your boyfriend recovery too?"_

_Natalie glared at the nasty woman. Her behavior had been intolerable every time they happened to cross paths. So happy over John's recovery she had let it go...but no more. She gave the woman a look that would scare even the mighty Asa Buchanan and snapped, "Listen BITCH I don't know what your problem is but you better shut the hell up! I may be a Buchanan but I grew up on the streets in this very city and I have had about enough of your attitude!"_

_Nurse Roberts was shocked. She had pegged the redhead as a spoiled princess with too much money and time on her hands. This frank speech from her was not at all how she had been acting these past few days. So thinking this she dismissed Natalie's warnings and laid her dislike of her right out in the open. "My problem is with spoiled little bitches like your self that come in here and wave money around and expect to receive better care then everyone else! I actually feel sorry for your little boyfriend in that room. He must be great in the sack for one of the Buchanan princesses to climb down off your high horse and agree to marry him. But then maybe you are just gonna take him for a nice long ride then throw him back when you are thru with him."_

_Natalie was enraged by that and without thought she pulled back her arm and decked the nurse as hard as she could. The nurse screamed and went down in a heap, clutching her now broken jaw. _

John grinned anew at the memory. The last they had saw of that nurse she had been fired on the spot and then was admitted to the ER herself to get her jaw wired shut. He grinned even wider as he thought of the plan Michael was helping him with. Natalie was going to be the one shocked and surprised when he got her home.

"So you ready to leave this Popsicle stand?" Natalie asked cheerfully. Happiness radiated off her and made her glow. At almost two months pregnant she wasn't showing yet and the morning sickness that had plagued her had finally left. She felt very lucky at that. With her first pregnancy she had experienced morning sickness up till the miscarriage. When she asked the doctor about that he had told her it was fine. That every pregnancy was different and so were the symptoms.

She had also been concerned about the risk of miscarriage especially after the first time. He had given her a thorough check over and had declared her in perfect health. John had been so great about this too. He was always telling her he loved her and how beautiful she was. It was like a dream. Being in the hospital he hadn't gotten a chance to get her a ring yet but they were officially engaged, which meant that every male member had been to see him, and threaten him.

Michael had been great thru all this as well. The years that he and John had spent apart seemed to disappear as they bonded again. What had started before he left Llanview had only grown since the "accident." Eve had come back to Llanview for a few weeks but then had to leave again. But that was ok; she promised to be back for the wedding when they set a date. It had to be soon Natalie thought; she didn't want to be showing when she walked down the isle.

"You bet," John answered her question with a wide grin. He had everything together and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close for a warm kiss. As he moved his mouth over hers he savored her unique taste. She tasted so sweet, so damn sweet. He moaned and then pulled away, grinning as he took in her dazed look. "Lets go home," he told her and began pulling her out the door.

Natalie took a second to shake out of the sensual fog she had been in and stumbled after him. Michael was pulling the car around for them and was going to drop them off at their new apartment that Natalie had picked out for them. When John was fully recovered he had a job waiting at the LPD and Natalie herself was also working there as a Crime Scene Investigator. Her degree in forensics and her experience made her a shoo in for day shift supervisor.

Michael was waiting at the front entrance with the car and when he saw John walking out he frowned. He said, "Where is the wheelchair you are supposed to be in?"

John scowled at him and said, "I can walk. I don't need a damn wheel chair!"

Michael just shook his head and rolled his eyes. John did have a point. His side was healed and though it was still very tender it would be fine and his head was also healed, minus the patch of hair that was missing which John had cleverly hidden. "Your chariot awaits," was all he replied. Then John and Natalie got in and he drove them to the apartment and dropped them off with a whispered good luck to John.

**To be continued...**


	17. Chapter 17 Smut

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. So if anyone from The Mouse comes looking for their characters they are slightly busy and will be with you later when I am done using them.**

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**Chapter 17**

John was nervous about what awaited him in the apartment. He had asked Michael to set the place up into the most romantic place he could think of. Now suddenly he regretted not getting Michael to tell him exactly what he did to their place. His only requirements were roses and beer instead of champagne. Hell, he had never even been in the apartment yet!!

Natalie looked at him anxiously, wondering about his hesitation. She was still confused about Michaels comment to John as he left them. Natalie watched as he jumbled with the door, as a frown crept across her face.

John seemed so nervous and oddly giddy that she didn't know what to make of it, She had never seen him like this before. Her frown turned to a slight smirk, as he seemed liked a high school boy about to go on his first date. Finally after a few more seconds of trying John got the door open and she suddenly gasped in surprise as he turned to her and swung her up into his arms. "John" she gasped, though she was giggling as well, "Your side!"

John merely grunted slightly and tightened his hold on her. With one arm around her back and one under her knees she fit nicely in his grip. She fit perfectly. "Gonna carry you over the thresh hold," he told her grinning at her. With that he did as he said he was going to and strolled into their apartment and kicked the door shut behind them with his foot. Natalie felt so good in his arms that he didn't want to put her down but his side was beginning to ache so he reluctantly put her down. Looking around he smiled in approval of Michael's handy work. This would do perfectly...

Natalie was still laughing as John set her on her feet. She reached over to turn on the lights when she noticed that the room wasn't dark. It was dim but not dark. She looked around and was shocked to see candles placed all over the place. She raised an eyebrow and took note that they weren't just ordinary candles but battery powered ones. She chuckled; that was just so something John would do, not risk a fire. She shook her head once more and wondered how? How had he? Done this, all of this? "John?"

John turned and smiled at her, "Michael helped. I wanted to do something special for you. I know this really isn't our style but I just wanted us to have one really romantic moment." He looked away, afraid she didn't like it. He loved her so much and he just wanted to be the man she deserved.

"Oh, John!" Natalie was touched. She let her eyes wander around the room taking in the soft glow of the candles and noticed other things as well. There were bouquets of roses on both the dining room table and also on both sides of the mantel above the fireplace. There were even a couple of bottles of something chilling. It was by far the most beautiful, the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for her. And the fact that it had been all John's idea made it 10 times more romantic. "Its Beautiful John."

John was relieved that she liked it. He was also relieved that Michael hadn't gone too over board. He reached out a hand and took hers; leading her to the table that Michael had so generously piled with food. "Anything for you Natalie. I love you." He told her. The words coming easier then they had the first few times. He figured with what he was planning for later he could be as sappy as he could manage to be. "You and our baby are everything I ever wanted."

Natalie still couldn't get over the changes the past weeks had brought in John. He was more open and emotional then she could ever remember him being. That wasn't to say he wasn't still the bad ass that could kick a little ass on occasion. He still had that edge that made him a good PI and an even better cop but around her at least he was softer, gentler. She sat down on the chair he pulled out for her and they proceeded to eat the wonderful meal Michael had provided for them.

Once they finished John went to the chilling bottles and took out a bottle of ginger ale for her and a bottle of beer for him. They slowly made their way to the fireplace and John spread a waiting blanket onto the floor. He clicked a switch and the fireplace sprung to life. (Michael had told him how to work it...) Leaning against a near by couch they cuddle together and John figured now was as good as a time as any. He took something out of his pocket and took a breath. "Natalie," he murmured in her hair. She was leaning her back against his chest staring at the fire.

"Hmmm...?" Natalie murmured. The dim candlelights and the dancing flames relaxing her.

He reached around and turned her slowly in his arms. Looking her deep in the eyes he said, "Will you marry me?"

Natalie smiled widely, but with slight confusion. Hadn't they already done this? She wondered to herself. Answering him even though she had already given him an answer to that question, "Yes, John. I will marry you." It was then she looked down and saw in his hand the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. It was white gold with some sort of Celtic weaving that lead up to a single emerald that was inlayed into the band. It was thicker then most rings but the inlayed emerald gave it a smooth surface.

John grinned at her answer. He had known she would say yes. (She had before after all) but until that moment he hadn't realized how much he feared she would change her mind. And then all doubt was gone and she was staring at the ring in his hand. He grinned, "This ring has been in my family for generations. My grandmother gave it to me to give to my fiancé. I hope you like it."

"Like it?" Natalie breathed, "Its gorgeous!" She held out her hand for John to put the ring on her finger.

John gently slid the ring onto her finger then leaned in and kissed her lips. The kiss was slow...tender. He took his time and explored the recesses of her mouth with his tongue. The kiss went on and on, but stayed slow and unhurried. Finally John was feeling winded and needed air. He pulled and looked deep into her eyes as he regained himself, as he studied her face, the expressions on it, the love in her eyes and he loved it, all of it, her.

Continuing to scan her loving face he noticed her lips swollen from their kisses, her eyes dazed, he wanted her more than his next breath. He reached his hand to her face ready to just pull her lips back into his but, he wanted this to be tender, he wanted this to go slow, he needed this to be perfect, in rhythm as not only would their bodies unite but their souls forever.

After a moment he took a deep breath, slid his fingers in her hair and finally pulled her close for another achingly slow kiss. Natalie let out a moan, which instantly felt a hard ache in his groin, instantly he was ready for her soft touch. The ache in his pants intensified as his throbbing erection bordered on painful but he ignored it and concentrated on giving her nibbling kisses on the face and neck before returning to her lush mouth.

This time it was Natalie's turn to pulled back from the kiss and need air. She tried to regain herself quickly as she knew this was new for them, as she felt the heat, the passion in John. She also could feel the tenderness, his gentleness, a feeling that left her feeling protected, yet, knowing he desired her. She smiled as she looked in his beautiful blue eyes. She loved the look in them. She looked a bit deeper and she was swamped by her emotions, She loved him. "Oh, John!" she said taking one last deep breath as they kissed again.

JOhn let his hands roam her body this time. His big hands caressed her back as he continued to kiss her. She felt so good under his fingers and he never wanted to stop touching her. Restlessly his hands roamed around to the front of her shirt and cupped her breasts. He moaned in unison with her at the feel of the heavy globes in his hands. Wanting to feel her bare skin he removed his hands from her breasts and reached for the hem of her shirt.

He broke the kiss only long enough to peal her shirt off and then her bra. to look into each others eyes, to find peace as he slowly pushed her down on the blanket that was spread for the. He silently hovered above her as he brought his mouth to her now bare breasts and began to rain gentle kisses on them. Raising one hand to her other breast he began to knead it as his mouth devoured its twin.

John continued with Soft kisses, gentle touches, murmuring words of love and forever as they caressed the remainders of their clothes off each other. Staring straight into her eyes, he finally entered her slowly, tenderly with a thrust of his hips. The rocking pace he set was unhurried, and beautiful, sensual. Their love for each other poured off of them in waves and the slow build of ecstasy threw them off the edge of the earth, ushering them in thru the gates of heaven.

The return to earth was equally as slow and when they finally returned they snuggled up close to each other. John's hand rested on Her stomach, on their child as he looked into her eyes. " I love you so much Natalie," spoken softly he told her, " I have since the first moment I met you."

Natalie was stunned and shocked by his revelation and she asked softly thru words, and thru her eyes. "Why didn't you say anything?"

John's long silence now added more confusion within Natalie as she heard his words. "You were Jesse's girl."

"That mattered?" Natalie was now also puzzled. She thought those things didn't really matter to men.

"A guy isn't supposed to want his buddies girl" was all he said. Natalie shook her head some and let it drop, snuggled back into him. John closed his eyes, his arms tighter around her so she was as close as possible and he heard her softly spoken words. "I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life."

John reopened his eyes, smiled as he kissed the top of her head and picked her up in his arms. He walked them into the bedroom and placed her, his child that she was carrying gently on the bed covered with rose petals. He smiled as he brought his lips to hers again and started to show how much he loved her with his body, his actions, now more words needed for the night.

**To be continued...**


	18. Chapter 18

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. So if anyone from The Mouse comes looking for their characters they are slightly busy and will be with you later when I am done using them. **

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**Chapter 18**

"Breath Natalie, Just breath," Natalie repeated to herself as she stood just outside the double doors at the back of the church. Dressed in a flowing gown of white silk she made a beautiful bride. Her hair upswept and laced with pearl hairpins to keep the gossamer veil that hung down her back in place.

She wasn't nervous about marrying John, not at all, in fact there wasn't anything else she wanted more. Her stomach just barely showing her pregnancy at 5 months along. She was actually surprised she wasn't bigger but was glad because that meant she would fit in to her dress. So she wasn't nervous, what she felt was anxiousness. She was anxious to start her new life with John. He was amazing, so loving and caring. Oh wait... There was the wedding march.

"About time," she muttered then glanced over at Bo. He was walking her down the isle today. Clint had wanted to but she had gently told him that she preferred Bo to do it. Clint had gotten this hurt look on his face and protested but she hadn't budged. Bo had always been more of a father to her and she wanted him to be the one to give her away. She gave him a big smile as they paused at the entrance of the chapel.

"You sure?" Bo asked, though by the look on Natalie's face he could tell she was sure.

"Yeah, very sure," Natalie whispered as the wedding march continued.

"He loves you a lot that man," Bo told her, "I knew it the minute I saw him."

At that Natalie looked over at him and gave him a radiant smile but simply said, "I know." They began their walk down the isle to the man she loved with all her heart.

John stood at the altar, Michael standing beside him serving as his best man. They were waiting for Natalie to come in. The wedding march started and John held his breath. He couldn't believe that this was happening. He was about to marry Natalie! The woman of his dreams. His heart pounded in anxious anticipation. He didn't feel at all nervous, not one little bit. This was what he had been waiting for his whole life and the fact that it was actually going to happen filled him with wonder and awe.

He remembered the first time he had ever seen her. He had known immediately that she was special. She had come into the office to speak to Jesse and the minute she spoke, asking if Jesse was in, he had fallen hard. He had loved her then, in her ugly gray track suit and unkempt hair. The look in her eyes, the sound of her voice, heck even the way she quirked her lips up in a half smile, had captivated him. Made him hunger to talk to her, be near her, to know her. When he realized she belonged to Jesse he had been crushed. He wanted her badly, loved her madly but he would never go after his friends woman.

So he had mostly avoided her, but savored every moment he had ever spent with her. Never thinking for one moment that she would be his. But now here he was just minutes away from making her his wife. Making her Mrs. McBain. Not only that she was having his child. Life didn't get much better then that.

He was getting impatient, 'Where was she? Ahh. There she was. Oh My God' She was beautiful! He had never seen anyone so beautiful, so absolutely gorgeous. He watched her and Bo come down the isle, too slowly to suit him...

"Breath John," Michael said, laughing slightly.

John let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding and gulped in another, muttering, "wow!"

"Who gives this woman to this man?" Asked the priest.

"Her uncle and I do," Vicki said, standing up from the front pew. Bo handed John Natalie's hand and said quietly, "Take care of her or you will answer to ALL of the Buchanan men!"

John nodded solemnly, taking this threat seriously. "I will," he answered and shook Bo's hand.

That done Bo and Vicki sat back down and the wedding began.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together to join John McBain and Natalie Buchanan in holy matrimony..." The priest began. He droned on and finally got to the vows, "The couple have decided to write their own vows..."

Natalie looked into John's eyes and saw all the love in them. It choked her up and she had to swallow before starting on her vows. "John, You are my best friend, my love, my reason to get up in the morning. When I thought I would die from the pain of losing Jesse then the baby you were there for me. You helped me thru the hardest time in my life and made me want to live again. You not only showed me that I could love again you made me want to. You showed me that what I really wanted was right in front of me all along. I love you John, I'll love you for the rest of my life. Being your wife, having your baby, those are the most beautiful, the most precious things I could ever have and they come from you..." Natalie began to tear up as she spoke. Her love for John adding husky emotion to her voice. "I love you John," she finished.

John's eyes teared up as well during her vows. Love for her swelled in his chest and made it difficult to breath. He took a deep, calming breath then said his own vows. They were short but powerful, full of emotion...and promise. "Natalie, from the moment I met you I knew you were the one. I love you; I want to spend all my days loving you, being with you. Marrying you is a dream come true, you having my child was my fondest wish. I'll spend the rest of my life showing you just how much you and our family mean to me. I love you so much," he finished.

"The rings?" The priest requested. Michael handed them over and watched as John and Natalie slide them on each others fingers.

"By the power vested in me I pronounce you man and wife." The priest continued.

John looked at Natalie and felt complete for the first time in his life. Natalie was his wife, she was his. With out waiting for the priest to tell him he pulled Natalie to him and kissed her soundly on the mouth. He kissed her deep and hard, full of passion and possession. When he finally let her go she was flushed but laughing.

"I give you Mr. and Mrs. John McBain." The priest announced as John and Natalie turned to face the congregation. There was loud cheering and as they made their way to the back of the church everyone sitting near the isle began tossing rice at the happy couple.

Stopping at the back of the church John pulled Natalie in his arms once more and kissed her again then swung her up into his arms and carried her out to the waiting car as everyone hurried behind to wish them well. Setting her down at the limo door (the limo provided by Asa of course) he turned around and shouted, "See you in a week." Then hustled Natalie into the car, eager to start their honeymoon.

It was two weeks before they were seen again by the town of Llanview. (Having enjoyed the week in Hawaii they stayed an extra week lovin and laughin in the sun.) Returning happier and more in love than ever.

**The End.**

**Short epilogue to come!**


	19. Epilogue

**Attn: I do not own these characters ABC does. So if anyone from The Mouse comes looking for their characters they are slightly busy and will be with you later when I am done using them. **

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**Epilogue**

"Push Natalie," John said softly. He had his eyes glued to his wife's sweaty face. The pain etched in it made him wince. With her hair matted to her head and her face cover with sweat she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Natalie glared at John as he told her to push. Her stomach contracting and the pain built up. At the height of the pain she screamed at John, "Push? You push! This is your fault! I hate you!"

John winced at the words even though he knew she didn't mean them. He knew it was the pain talking. He continued to hold her hand and encourage her with words and action. "I'm sorry," he told her.

Coming down from the pain Natalie immediately felt bad for her words, "I'm sorry John. I didn't mean that." She was tired and sweaty from her long labor. It had been 19 hours already. She slumped back on the gurney only to tense up and cry out in pain again.

"Do you want something for the pain?" the doctor asked.

"NO!" Natalie said thru clenched teeth, "No drugs." She was determined to get thru this with out any painkillers. She knew the risk was small that they would hurt the baby but she wasn't going to take that chance.

"AHHHHH! It hurts John. It hurts." She screamed as another contraction knifed thru her.

"I know honey. I know."

"You know? You know? You don't know shit," she swore at him as the pain reached its peak, "Try pissing out a grapefruit then come tell me you know how I feel!"

John apologized again, now used to the insults and accusations that she sent his way at the height of each contraction. He knew that it was her way of dealing with the pain and that she didn't mean her words. In fact the book she had given him on childbirth specifically mentioned that she might do this. He just prayed that the baby came soon.

3 hours later Natalie gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She had the beautiful blue eyes of her father and the simmering red hair of her mother. They named her Dawn Marie McBain.

**The End**


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